Thursday, 22 April 2021
‘You dark horse, Ibs,’ says Mo. ‘Your secret’s out.’
‘What secret?’
‘You and Ayşegül,’ he laughs. ‘A little bird tells me you blew her away with your cooking. You’re a man of surprises, Ibs, I’ll give you that. Way to go.’
‘This must be a first,’ I say. ‘I’ve impressed you at last?’
‘Well you have to admit you’re pretty square,’ he laughs. ‘All this time we were laughing at you for burying your head in the sand, and it turns out you were secretly making your move on the most beautiful girl in college.’
‘That’s not really what happened though.’
‘No, of course not, Ibs. She’s just randomly talking about some delicious meal you cooked for her.’ He laughs at me. ‘Did you really make it, or did you just get a take away?’
‘I really cooked. But it was nothing special.’
‘Not what she says.’
‘And how do you know what she says?’
‘Well Zarah says…’
‘Ah okay, Chinese Whispers.’
‘Not at all. I’ve seen the smile on Ayşegül’s face.’
‘You should lower your gaze.’
‘Nah, mate, that’s not how I play it. Fact is, Ayşegül’s glowing because of you. And if that’s not a turn up for the books, I don’t know what is.’ He looks at me. ‘So say something then, Ibs.’
‘I neither admit nor deny anything,’ I say. ‘I’m just taking it slow.’
‘Slow? You cooked for her, bro!’
‘I cooked for her whole family.’
‘What, her parents?’
‘Yep,’ I grin.
‘Man, and you say you’re taking it slow?’
‘Ramadan slow,’ I say.
‘My God, Ibs, you’re so damn formal. I thought you went on a date. You’re trying to impress her parents too? Is it that serious?’
‘I don’t know,’ I shrug, ‘I feel like she’s the one.’
‘The one?’ he laughs, ‘Mate, take it easy. There’s no one. Just have some fun while you’re young.’
‘I am having fun.’
‘Oh give over, Ibby boy, next you’ll be telling me you have a chaperone following you wherever you go. You’re doing it all wrong, bro.’
‘How’s it wrong if I end up with her?’
‘That’s not the way it goes, mate. You go clubbing. You have some fun. You hang out, chill, decide whether you like her.’
‘I’ve already decided I like her. And fun? We have our whole life for that.’
‘Your whole life? You’re sounding like you’re about to get married.’
‘Well, maybe… what’s wrong with that? Maybe that’s what I want to do.’
‘Oh, bro, no, no, no. What are you doing bro?’
‘Two minutes ago you were happy for me.’
‘Yeah, for hooking up, not for getting married. Why are you even thinking about that now?’
‘Why not?’
‘I wouldn’t even think about that until I’m at least twenty-five. What are you even thinking, Ibs? It’s the twenty-first-century. Just go with the flow, bro. Be your own man. Forget what your parents want.’
‘It’s nothing to do with them. It’s what I want.’
‘Why do you want to tie yourself down?’
‘I don’t see it that way. It’s the opposite. I feel like I’m tied down now. I want to be free to do what I want. And I want to do it with her.’
‘Bro… Ibby boy, you’re so… naïve…’
‘Idealistic?
‘I was gonna say… a fool. Stupid… dumb.’
‘Well this conversation flipped around fast. One minute you’re praising me, the next… this.’
‘That’s because I thought love was in the air.’
‘Love is in the air,’ I moan. ‘Yeah, true love. The kind that makes me want to ask her to marry me.’
‘You, Ibby boy? No way. You know nothing about love. You’ve never even been with a girl and now you’re talking about marriage! You’re a fool.’
‘Fine, I’m a fool. But I know one thing. I’ve already fallen in like with Ayşegül, so inshallah, I’ll fall in love with her too.’
‘God help you, Ibby boy. You’re such an idiot.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence.’
‘Sorry mate, but I despair of you. Truly, you’ve lost it man. Everyone else is trying to escape that world. But you? Clueless. Absolutely clueless.’
‘Okay, Mo, enough,’ I say, standing up, ‘You’ve made your point.’
‘I had to, bro. Smell the coffee, mate.’ He scoffs at me. ‘Oh no, I forgot, you’re fasting. Mister-look-at-me-I’m-so-religious.’
‘Which I’ve never said, ever,’ I say.
‘Don’t worry, Ibby boy, run along. I’m gonna have myself a double cheese burger and a Pepsi Max. Don’t wanna oppress Mister-look-at-me-I’m-so-religious-and-oh-so-pious.’
‘And all this because I…’
‘Because you’re a prick, Ib.’
‘Okay, Mo. Enough.’
I can’t help thundering away from him at this point. I don’t know where I’m going. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s far away from my imbecile mates. So the library then. They’ll never find me there. Yeah, but Ayşegül will, of course. Can’t seem to avoid her.
‘You’re looking blue again, Ibrahim,’ she says, as soon as she sees me, ‘Something wrong?’
‘Nothing major. Just my friends making fun of me.’
‘Because of me?’
‘Why do you ask that?’
‘Because my friends are doing the same.’
‘Do you think I’m an idiot?’ I ask her.
‘You know the answer to that,’ she says. ‘I think they’re all idiots. But you? No, you’re not. Definitely not. You know why they’re saying that, don’t you? Because they’re jealous of you.’
‘What, wooing the most beautiful girl in college? That’s what they all say, you know?’ I wasn’t meant to say that out loud. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to make you blush. But it’s true. It’s what they say.’
‘You should hear what they say to me,’ she smiles. ‘They make fun of me because they know you’re this shy, polite, reserved guy. They know you’re a true gentleman, and somehow that’s so hilarious. But, you know, I don’t care what they say. They’re all fake, you know? They’re all wearing masks. Truth is, they’re insecure. Most of my friends are all talk, pretending to be into guys…’
‘But not you?’
‘You know the answer to that too.’
‘Do I?’
‘Let’s just say my mum was extremely impressed by your güveç. And your sütlaç! That was something else. How did you manage that?’
‘Helped by the fact we’d all been fasting for sixteen hours,’ I laugh. ‘I’m sure I could’ve served you sawdust and you would still have said it was delicious.’
‘No, it was all wonderful. The perfect iftar.’
‘What can I say?’
‘My parents like you,’ she tells me. ‘You did good,’ she smiles.
‘Mine liked you too.’
‘Alhamdulilah.’ She smiles. ‘So ignore what your friends say.’
‘They say I’m a fool.’
‘And in two months’ time, you’ll probably never see them ever again. Maybe only on results day, but then… what? When? They’ll just disappear off into their world. They’ll forget you, and you’ll forget them. They’ll just vanish. It’ll be as if you never existed. We’re just leaves blown by the wind. Here on this tree that is college, but soon to be shaken free.’
‘But not us?’
‘Not if you’ll take my hand.’
‘Do you want me to?’
‘My parents have asked me to invite you for Eid,’ she says. ‘If you wanted to ask me for my hand then, I’ll tell you the answer.’
‘How would you know I’m the one for you?’
‘Don’t you think I’ve already prayed istikhara? And don’t you think I’ve already had my answer?’
‘Have you?’
‘To parts one, two, three, four and five: absolutely.’
‘So what’s left?’
‘I’m hoping for a beautiful proposal.’
‘Flowers?’
‘Your heart will do, Ibrahim.’
‘What about a ring?’
‘I’m not seeking riches.’
‘What should I say?’
‘Well you could try, “Will you marry me?”’
‘And what would you say?’
‘I’d say, “What took you so long to ask?”’
‘And then?’
‘There are my parents, of course. But don’t go seeking answers to what you should do on Quora, because some gormless expert will have you believe that you’ll need to send your grandfather and his entire tribe to visit my tribe in the remote highlands of eastern Turkey with a trailer full of gold, to ask my father to give his daughter to his grandson.’
‘And I don’t?’
‘No, because we don’t have any relatives in the highlands of eastern Turkey. And I don’t want a trailer of gold. I’ll be content with a box of dates, or some Turkish delight. Or, at a push, a box of posh chocolates from Waitrose.’
‘So what should I do?’
‘I suggest you kiss my dad’s right hand, place it on your forehead and then say, “Would you allow me to marry your daughter?”’
‘What happens if he says no?’
‘He won’t say no.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because in the car on the way home from iftar, after you’d filled his stomach with havuç çorba, güveç and sütlaç, he said to my mum, “Elhamdülillah, kızımıza bir adam bulduk.” To which my mum said, “Allaha şükürler.”’
‘Which means?’
‘They like you.’
‘Aren’t they worried we’re a bit… young?’
‘Are you worried about that?’
‘Shouldn’t we wait until we’re eighteen?’
‘I am eighteen. How old are you?’
‘Seventeen.’
‘Seventeen?’
‘Well, seventeen years, eleven months and two weeks.’
‘Oh no, that means you’re a baby. We’ll have to call the whole thing off. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were so young.’
‘You’re joking, of course?’
‘Of course. I’m not worried. My parents aren’t worried. Are you worried? Seriously?’
‘Not really, it’s just my friends said…’
‘Ignore those jokers. Follow your heart. If it’s too much for you too soon, we can just do the nikah. I’m happy with that.’
‘So you really like me?’
‘Not just really, but really, really,’ she says. ‘I know you think this is all a bit too fast, but, to be honest, it’s been a bit slow for me.’
‘Slow? How?’
‘Because I made my first dua about you in September 2019.’
‘You did?’
‘Well the first dua wasn’t about you exactly. I said, “Ya Allah, grant me a husband like brother Ibrahim from my psychology class at college.” I prayed like that every time I had a lesson with you for the first month of term. That was until I confided in a friend who questioned me about the way I behaved around you towards the end of that first half-term. That’s when I changed the words of my dua. Then I said, “Ya Rabi, grant that brother Ibrahim from my psychology class at college may become my best friend, my soulmate, my partner, my inspiration, my rock, my everything.” And I prayed this dua all year long, but even more through lockdown when I was worried I’d never see you again. So, yeah, this isn’t fast for me at all.’
‘Okay, that’s, um… a bit…’
‘Weird?’
‘Well…’
‘What about you?’
‘I admit I was… aware of you.’
‘Aware? What does that mean?’
‘I knew I was out of your league, so I just kept my head down and got on.’
‘Out of my league?’ she laughs, ‘What league?’
‘Too good for me. Didn’t think you’d be interested in someone like me. And yeah, never thought I could talk to you either.’
‘Why not?’
‘Well, it’s scary.’
‘Scary?’ she laughs. ‘Am I?’
‘Not you. But talking to you? Yeah, I was terrified.’
‘Why?’
‘All Muslim girls are scary.’
‘Are we?’
‘Well, yeah. Especially hijabis.’
‘Really? Why?’
‘First there’s lowering your gaze. Do it too much, and you’re a horrible arrogant self-righteous guy who hates women. Don’t do it enough, and you’re a lax and ignorant jahil. You can’t win.’
‘I never noticed, to be honest, Ibrahim. I always thought you were very respectful.’
‘Maybe it’s just me then. But truth is, I have no idea how to behave around girls. I get all self-conscious and awkward.’
‘You just have haya, Ibrahim. Nothing wrong with that. It’s admirable. They say haya is a branch of faith. It’s a good thing.’
‘You’re the only person who says that. All my friends… they mock me, constantly.’
‘I don’t care what your friends think. I only care what our prophet taught, and he said, “Haya doesn’t bring anything except good.” Haya is the character of our religion itself, so be content with what you have. It’s all good, Ibrahim.’
‘You think so?’
‘I know so. My parents said the same thing. They can’t wait to meet you again.’
‘How come they’re so supportive?’
‘Apart from the fact you made a good impression? I guess they don’t want to repeat what they went through with the rest of my family.’
‘How so?’
‘Let’s just say it took my eldest sister years and years to find someone, and even then ended up with a complete jerk.’
‘And you’re not worried I might be one too?’
‘Oh, my spidey sense is pretty strong when it comes to jerks.’
‘Well that’s something,’ I say.
‘More than something. I’m not worried at all. Hence the invite. Make sure you tell your parents.’
‘Maybe it’s best your mum speaks to mine.’
‘However you like, Ibrahim, just save the date. Three weeks from now, expect Turkish hospitality at its best.’
‘Yeah,’ I say, smiling, ‘and that other thing we talked about.’
