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New world order

Not to worry, “The Political Establishment” will push him under a train soon enough to give the conspiracy nuts who voted for him something else to be enraged about, and then a UFO laden with NWO physicians will land to force vaccinate everyone and take away their guns, at which point the Illuminati will inverse the Golden …

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Muslamic marketting

AS SAM’UALL’LIKEHIM! Do you want a Lamborghini to sit on like a kind of extremely rich man’s deck chair? If yes, download my FREE GUIDE on marketting to Muslamics! Learn how to rock a sunnah beard while cruising in your Bentley. Understand the importance of the random use of apostrophes when reaching out to the …

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Dunyalicious

As salamiualleycome… Are you interested in getting all the trappings of serious dunya? Expensive sports cars, hideous mansions, glitter, pomp and all the adornments of worldly life? You are? Then you need to attend our dunya mastermind training today and we’ll show you how i’ns’hAllah! (bring a friend and we’ll give you an extra apostrophe …

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Freedom

We may not like what you wear, but we’ll defend your right to wear it… Oh, no, sorry, that’s not it… What was it? Oh yes… We may not like what you say, but we’ll defend your right to say it… But only if we agree with you and if it’s especially insulting to people …

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Barbaric acronyms

Last week David Cameron accused an imam of supporting IS. When it was later discovered that the imam had in fact been touring the country to talk about the evils of ISIS, Number 10 clarified that David Cameron was not talking about “The ISIS” but, you know, Islamic states in general, you know, like Saudi …

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Webinar

Want to be popular? Famous even? You do? Then sign up to our free premium webinar today where we’ll teach you the very opposite of traditional Muslim spirituality. You’ll learn how to answer the base calls of your nafs to become a person of influence long before you’re ready and really know what you’re doing. …

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Peace, We have recently seen terrible atrocities committed in Oslo and Utøya. Finding the right response to these events is a challenge for everyone. The hijacking of a great faith to justify such heinous crimes sickens us all. As Christians around the world have made clear, such actions are an affront to Christianity.

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Pandemic

Some people never get over Convertitis, but for most people it is like Chickenpox: you only get it once. While it can linger for some months and even years, most people eventually make a full recovery, with few pervasive side-effects. Unfortunately a few cases of chronic recurrent Convertitis have been observed in the wild over …

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Favour Culture

Dominic Grieve QC, the Attorney General, says ministers should “wake up” to the threat of corruption in public life, which he attributes to “minority communities” that operate a “favour culture”. I agree. The Houses of Parliament are overwhelmed with minority communities operating a culture of favour: the Tories and Labour alike have been at it …

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Dear English & Proud

Look, you’ve go a mascot that’s a Teddy Bear dressed like Richard the Lionheart, a man who couldn’t speak English, mostly lived in France and only really used England as a source of revenue to support his war efforts. Paddington Bear would be a more English mascot, but I appreciate we can’t have an Asylum …

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O people of the interwebs!

O people of the interwebs, tell me something positive! What, pray, is the purpose of the daily trawl of the online press for tales of woe afflicting the Muslims, condensed and abbreviated into bite-sized chunks for readers to absorb in a fit of never ending misery? Will nobody stand up and say enough is enough? …

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To inquire

In her rage at Tony Blair on Friday as he sat before the Chilcot Inquiry she accidentally dashed over a goblet of red wine. To his crimes of forging war and invading a sovereign state, she added the painful stains on the beautiful wooden floor. Thus acts the modern Muslim, scared to take the self …

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Risk Assessment

Dear Editors, Explain to me, would you, what this means: ‘Sebastian Faulks outburst risks anger of Muslims’? Or this: ‘Sebastian Faulks has risked sparking Muslim outrage…’ Does it mean that you have not yet found any angry Muslims and you’re stirring? Or is it just that you’ve taken your risk assessment training a tad too …

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Act 1883

As Robert Cottage from Colne, Lancashire, finally goes on trial at Manchester Crown Court, pleading guilty to possession of explosives, Home Secretary John Reid is set to address Christian children about looking for the tell-tale signs of extremism in their parents. Leader of the Opposition, David Cameron, came under fire last night for his call …

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Undercover Wudu Area

Tonight on Dispatches – Muslim fundamentalists claim that cleanliness is next to Godliness,

Tonight on Dispatches – Muslim fundamentalists claim that cleanliness is next to Godliness,

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