Chromosomes do not necessarily determine sex. True, most women have XX chromosomes and most men XY chromosomes. However, some women, with full female biological characteristics — a natural uterus, womb, and breasts — have XY chromosomes. About 1 in 2000 females have a single X chromosome (45,X). As many as 1 in 1000 have triple …
For the whole of my adult life, I’ve excused myself from social gatherings, claiming my voice is the exact same tone as background noise. It’s my go-to one-liner, always destined to draw laughter and lighten the mood. It never occurred to me that my inability to filter out the background noise was the problem. I …
If it’s all you have ever known, how would you know that something is not normal? There have been many such incidences like this — surprises, we may say — through the years. During one particularly humiliating and invasive investigation years ago, a specialist asked me, “Did you never think this was unusual?” “What would …
Every now and then, you get a reality check which reminds you how things really are. Out delivering my car to the garage for its service, I encounter a pair who remind me exactly why I withdraw so often. Jeering mockery of the kind I have experienced all my life. Back home, I stare at …
Now and then, I have a complete blackout, and I can’t recall moments just gone at all. Mentioning this to my wife just now, she said, “Are you living in the matrix?” “Sometimes I think I am,” I replied. “When I consider all the coincidences.” “Yes, me too,” she nodded. Life is much too weird …
Today, I suffered a complete collapse in confidence, causing me to doubt my cognitive abilities as a whole. Is it just a glitch, which will pass in a few days’ time, or something deeper? Certainly, whenever I discover I misunderstood something, the effect is the same. I crash. Shut down. My whole life flashes before …
I need help. That’s my first thought upon realising I completely misunderstood an email my manager sent me. Have I got serious cognitive deficits, or was that just a temporary lapse? Certainly, this brain fog feels all-pervasive. My head feels permanently numb. At this very moment, I’m barely functioning. I want to curl up in …
We walked four miles yesterday. But it was at the halfway point, stopping at a café for a latte, that my energy levels first collapsed. Ever since my return home in the afternoon, I have been overwhelmed by the most extreme fatigue, begging me to sleep all day. Others would say to me, “This is …
Blues and anxiety strike again. This is the point at which the urge to extract myself from every group descends. Here, that voice which demands: “Disappear, back into oblivion.” On top of it, a kind of lethargy. A disinclination to do anything. But don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong. I now know this is just part …
I wish I had known about apprenticeships in my day. Or graduate trainee schemes. Or, well, career pathways in general. But, let’s face it, I was in no mental state to pursue any of those then, weighed down by bodily weakness and lethargy as I was. So let me forget about the missed opportunities of …
I have arrived at a juncture where I now question my interpretation of every single past interaction. It’s as if I need to brush my understanding of my entire life into the bin. If only I could rewind, reset.
I snapped today. I had to apologise afterwards. Explain that I get frustrated sometimes. Frustrated that I frequently get cut off before I’ve even expressed myself. Frustrated that whatever I try to say is immediately dismissed or discounted. There is a counterargument, always the same: “We thought you’d finished.” And so here I must acknowledge …
Writing, generally, is a one-way conversation. I’ve realised that most of my conversations are like that. It doesn’t feel like an exchange of ideas. Mostly, I just seem to be talking to myself. No feedback. Nothing. No reciprocal exchange. When I do finally surface the kind of ideas I write about here, they just seem …
What happens when you discover that your perception of the world is not typical? What about when it hits you that your interactions with the world are probably atypical too? The latter throws light on a lot of things. Past encounters seem to make much more sense. As to the former: it’s pretty crushing. It …
I wish I had understood the importance of testosterone therapy twenty years ago. Yes, I know my beloved asked me regularly, “Are you keeping up with your injections. It’s important.” I have no one to blame but myself. Yet, despite everyone telling me it was important, I never really got why. Of course, there’s the …
