7.3
Armed with a fistful of ignorance and none the wiser, he would have to change tack. He thought he had seen the spotty nerd wandering aimlessly around the weed-filled flowerbeds in the atrium minutes ago, his eyes locked to the ground. It would not take long to find him, he thought, careering out into the playground, drunk on the adrenaline which pulsated through his veins. If he could not find him there, he would try the library. If not there, then he would search every corner of the school until he found him.
‘Alright Johnson,’ he began at last, grabbing hold of him by his shirt collar and shoving him backwards. ‘How’s it going?’ he asked, as he slid him vertically up the wall, until his toes no longer touched the floor. ‘Looking for trouble again, I see?’
‘No,’ wheezed the boy.
‘Oh, but you are,’ said Sukhbir, pushing him higher. ‘Always looking for trouble. Or did trouble find you?’
Discovering the boy heavier than he had anticipated, Sukhbir jammed both hands around his throat to hold him there and pressed his thumbs against his Adam’s apple until he let out an aching cough. ‘You’re brave, aren’t you?’ he asked, throttling him. ‘Going after my sister, now.’
‘I don’t even know your sister,’ hissed Ben, gasping for air.
Releasing him, Sukhbir watched as he slid back down to earth, coughing and retching before him. ‘I’m talking about Satya,’ he said, slapping him on his shoulder sharply.
‘I know who you’re talking about. But I don’t know her. She’s just a girl in my form, that’s all.’
‘You never stop, do you?’ asked Sukhbir, irately.
‘Stop what?’
‘Anglo-Saxon dickhead seeks brown chick to prove “I ain’t no racist bastard” aka White Man’s Burden aka guilty as charged aka you should read Edward Said.’ Sukhbir scoffed at him. ‘Nobody’s fooled by all these Asian friends of yours. Cultural appropriation, that’s all it is. A guilty conscience.’
‘So you keep saying,’ he coughed back.
‘Yeah, I do. Because you never learn. Here you go again.’
‘Here I go with what?’
‘One more brown girl to put in that trophy cabinet of yours.’
‘I don’t know what you’re on about,’ sighed Ben.
‘Of course you do, because this time it’s my sister, you knob.’
‘I told you already. I don’t even know her.’
Sukhbir stared at him with disdain. ‘Am I an idiot?’ he jeered, prodding him.
‘Some people say you are,’ spluttered the boy awkwardly, averting his eyes. ‘And, personally, that’s the school of thought I follow. You behave like one, after all.’ His gaze flitted back to him briefly. ‘Oops,’ he smirked, ‘Was that a rhetorical question? My mistake.’ The corners of his mouth nearly laughed, but his sad eyes overwhelmed his face. ‘I don’t know your sister,’ he insisted, ‘Not at all.’
‘Then why did you smack Sid?’
‘Because I felt like it,’ he murmured.
Stepping in front of him, Sukhbir jabbed his hand into his chest. ‘I heard it’s because you found out he tried to beat up my sister,’ he said, jabbing him yet harder. ‘And that kind of puzzled me. I mean, why would you do that? Why would you pick a fight with your best friend over some stupid girl in your class?’
‘Well he isn’t my best friend.’
‘Of course he is. Everyone knows he is.’
‘Maybe he was once. But that was before I accidentally told him what I thought of his girlfriend. We all make mistakes.’
‘So you just smacked him for no reason then?’
‘Yeah, because I’m just some Anglo-Saxon dickhead, racist to the core. You know me.’
He would leave him if he could. He would walk around him, or slide sideways out of his reach. He would escape this stupid interrogation. Momentarily he turned away and managed two paces to his right, but only found Sukhbir standing in his way again.
‘Let’s get to the point,’ said Sukhbir hastily. ‘You fancy my sister.’
Ben sniggered at him. ‘No,’ he said, ‘Wrong. Utterly, totally absolutely completely wrong. I don’t fancy her and I never have. I don’t even like her. I don’t even think she’s a nice person. She’s an arrogant, horrible girl who’s spent the past three months taking the piss out of me, mocking me relentlessly, calling me names and laughing at me with her stupid friends. I hate her, to be honest. So no, I don’t fancy her. Yeah, and I never will.’
‘Well good,’ said Sukhbir, ‘because if you did, I’d break your back.’ He prodded his finger towards his nose this time. ‘Stay away from her,’ he demanded. ‘Do you understand?’
‘No, I don’t,’ groaned Ben, ‘because I just told you I’m not interested in her. She’s not one of my friends. She’s just a girl in my class. Do you understand?’
‘Just stay away from her, right?’ he said, digging his hand into his rib cage one last time, before prancing away from him with that confident bluster of his.
Shuddering, Ben closed his eyes, a scorching, sickly feeling emerging within from the seat of his stomach to his throat. He could feel his fury burning in his heart, his anger rising in his chest and pushing down into his legs. It felt like he was about to explode; it was rage like Thursday’s, except that Satya would be on the receiving end if he could not still himself and quell those terrible flames. Opening his eyes once more, he watched as Sukhbir hurried through a set of doors away from him. And then he watched again as he headed straight back.
‘Yeah, so I haven’t finished yet,’ he yelled at him as they met. ‘So why don’t you fancy my sister?’
Ben stared at him bitterly. ‘What kind of question is that?’ he asked furiously, ‘I told you why.’
‘I want to know the real reason.’
‘Oh, that’s because her brother’s a psychopath who wants to break my back. How’s that for an answer?’
Sukhbir was not listening. ‘It’s because you’re a poof, isn’t it? I’ve heard that’s what people say about you.’
‘Aren’t you clever? What could I possibly say to that? Well, of course, I fancy Satya. That’s the right answer and here’s my back. Break it.’ Ben almost cried. ‘Why don’t you just bog off? I don’t fancy her. That’s what you want to hear.’
‘Oh, I’m not trying to trip you up, Ben. If you don’t fancy her, you don’t fancy her. But I ought to let my sister know if you’re gay. I don’t want her to get her hopes up.’
Ben shook his head vigorously, sensing a sharp jab in his side. ‘Don’t you never tire of this nonsense?’ he cried, turning his back on him, ‘Just leave me alone. .’
‘I’ll ask you one last time. Do you fancy my sister? Either you tell me the truth or by tomorrow morning the whole school will know you’re gay. It’s simple really.’
‘Oh yes: simple. Broken back from you or a broken back from my family? Which will it be?’
‘You just need to tell me the truth.’
Ben returned to him, glaring at him indignantly. ‘When did you ever care about the truth?’ he pleaded, ‘Whatever I say, you’ll twist it. Just face it: it’s not about your sister.’ Ben pondered Sukhbir’s ultimatum, his stomach now numb with prickly paresthesia. ‘You’re wrong about me. Completely wrong, in so many ways. I don’t care about your stupid sister. And I’m not gay, though I know where that came from. Because I was innocent, naïve, saving myself for someone special. Ironic, isn’t it? All the threats and violence, and you still know nothing at all.’
‘I know enough,’ Sukhbir told him.
‘Yeah, of course,’ cried Ben, ‘So you’ll just do whatever you want. So just do it. I don’t care anymore. Do whatever you think is right. ‘
‘I’ll take that to mean you fancy my sister,’ snorted Sukhbir scornfully. ‘That’s all I wanted to know. I’ll be watching you.’
