12.2
How his locker came to be filled with so much detritus, he had no idea. Most of it could probably be thrown straight in the bin, he thought, but he stuffed everything in his bag anyway. His padded jacket might offer him warmth if he found himself homeless. His games kit might be bartered in exchange for a warm drink. The pile of creased and folded revision notes might one day fuel a bonfire to warm his hand. The half-eaten packet of crisps, two months old, inexplicably breathing: okay, that could go in the bin. Even he drew the line at fluorescent pink crisps.
‘There you are,’ came those grateful words, echoing along the corridor. He turned to find Siti Noor sliding to a standstill beside him. ‘I thought Anjana spoke to you,’ she said, anxiously.
‘She did.’
‘So why aren’t you coming?’
Ben glanced back at her and groaned. ‘Why should I?’ he asked.
‘Because it’s what you do. Isn’t it?’
‘I’m not Bruce Wayne,’ he sighed, stuffing more rubbish into his bag.
For a moment, Siti Noor watched him. ‘Don’t you care about Satya?’ she asked when he seemed to ignore her.
‘She has other friends,’ he grumbled, compressing the overflowing contents with his fist. ‘Get a teacher if you have to. You don’t need me. Just sort it out yourselves.’
There was no room for his ring binder, but he could always carry that under his arm. Good, he thought, his job was done.
‘What are you doing?’ asked Siti Noor, noticing his bag, his locker now empty.
‘What does it look like?’ he replied.
‘It looks like you’re leaving. I hope you’re not.’
‘Sorry to disappoint,’ he scoffed.
‘But why?’
‘Because it’s what I said I’d do,’ he shrugged, flinging the steel door closed.
‘Don’t do anything stupid,’ she urged him, alarmed.
‘Don’t worry,’ he tittered, ‘I’m not going to top myself.’
‘I didn’t mean that. I mean don’t throw everything away.’
Listening to her, Ben did not respond, but took to fastening his schoolbag closed, its zip stretched to breaking point.
‘You know, you’re the one person I’ll miss, Noor,’ he said, standing up again, ‘Thanks for always sticking up for me. It meant more to me than you could ever know.’ Glancing at the padlock in his hand, he inserted his key and then passed it onto her. ‘Here,’ he said, smiling. ‘A present.’
When he wandered away from her, his heavy bag slung over his shoulder, he would not gaze back at her, but averted his eyes instead, his vision projected far into the distance. ‘Don’t give up, Ben,’ she heard him call out after him, but he did not turn back.
‘I’ve always admired you,’ he muttered instead, passing through two sets of doors. ‘You’re a real gem,’ he said, though she could not hear him. ‘The best of the best,’ he whispered, ‘I’ll always remember you.’
For months, Satya had muttered to herself about the malfunctioning vending machine that only ever delivered her half a cup. It had never dawned on her until now that it was because that was an espresso’s defining characteristic. Surely the real thing had other traits that set it apart, but this one just tasted like a double heap of instant coffee dissolved in half the quantity of water. It was bitter and oily and just what she needed right now: she had ordered two. Lifting the first flimsy plastic cup clear of the spill tray, she topped it up at the water cooler and drank it down at once. With the appearance of the second cup, she repeated her actions, overlooking its revolting gritty taste. When Siti Noor had wandered past her ten minutes later, she was already halfway through her second can of coke and was just finishing off her third and final Mars bar. Seeing her, she could not help but give her a funny look.
‘What are you doing?’ she had asked her.
‘Giving myself a sugar rush,’ Satya had replied. ‘I’ll be ready for anything after this.’
Siti Noor thought of her hyperactive companion now: the way she had paced across the common room with those fast, confident steps of hers towards that gang of persistent foes. She recalled how she had stood before Siddique, obnoxiously announcing her arrival. Embarrassed on behalf of their friend, Anjana had glanced at her and wheezed a tired lament.
‘So this is what mental illness looks like,’ she had said, ‘We’re having the full works today. I can’t bear it anymore.’
Over there, they had watched their friend gesticulating wildly, playing to the idiotic crowd. One of them seemed to be showing her the contents of a throbbing carrier bag, which they had concluded from the repulsed look on her face could only contain something gross. His amateur dramatics had been followed by a demonstration of martial arts techniques by another, hands punching and slicing the air.
Recalling all of that, Siti Noor sprang to life once more. ‘Ben,’ she cried out, chasing after him, ‘wait a minute.’ She ran along the corridor, faster than ever before, and skidded to a halt in front of him. ‘Wait,’ she said, panting wildly, holding her hands out in front of him. ‘Satya’s not listening to us,’ she complained, forcing him to stop. ‘She’ll listen to you.’
‘I told you,’ he replied irately, trying hopelessly to sidestep her. ‘I’m not some comic book superhero. I’m just a freak. Fat bastard.’
‘You’re her knight in shining armour.’
‘Not today,’ he murmured, pushing past her at last.
Following him along the corridor and out into the playground, Siti Noor hurried to keep up with his fast, determined footsteps. ‘Please, Ben,’ she tried once more. ‘At least for me?’
Hearing her plea, Ben finally stood still and glanced at her.
‘She’s had her bumps,’ she told him. ‘Now they’re promising her seventeen rock hard thumps. You know how everything has to rhyme.’
‘Sounds hilarious,’ grumbled Ben.
‘She’s completely out of her depth,’ sighed Siti Noor, cringing as she recalled her friend’s puerile exhibitionism, prancing before her foes like a great buffoon. ‘I wouldn’t be asking you if she listened to us.’
Siti Noor thought back to the moment before her hurried departure, looking on as the horde grew restless, impatient for Sukhbir’s arrival. Already they had depleted their armoury of expletives meant to obliterate the last of her friend’s self-esteem, their deficient vocabulary undermining their swagger. Only violence would satisfy them now.
‘Just ignore her,’ Anjana had sighed, glancing back at their friend, taking in that stupid grin that filled her face as she egged them on. She shook her head and nearly closed her eyes, the awkwardness too much to bear.
From their place at the other side of the common room, they had watched as Siddique’s allies knocked Satya to the floor, clasping after her limbs, too impatient to await her brother’s arrival. Soon she had found herself being thrust upwards into the air like a fresh bed sheet, billowing up and down chaotically. The first bump she tolerated calmly, the second she graciously excused, but by the third, she had already had enough, the gormless smile on her face torn away.
‘Okay, enough,’ she had gasped nervously, striving futilely to wrestle free.
‘You were meant to burst through the doors to rescue her,’ said Siti Noor when Ben barely responded. ‘That’s why Anjana told you,’ she said.
‘Oh, I know. She’s as subtle as James Gordon with a search light. But the Bat-Signal is broken. I’m not coming.’
‘She’s waiting for those flying fists of yours right now.’
‘Batman’s gone on holiday,’ quipped Ben, indifferently, his eyes cast skyward. ‘Maybe you need the Joker.’
‘Stop, stop,’ Satya had shouted after the sixth bump, only to find herself pinned to the ground instead, experiencing a form of torture she thought she remembered from her studies of Tudor England four years earlier, each of her limbs being pulled in opposite directions, causing her profound embarrassment more than pain.
‘So it’s on your head, then, isn’t it?’ Siti Noor told him, watching his reaction restlessly.
‘Why mine?’ he shouted all of a sudden. ‘Why not yours? Anjana’s? Her brother’s? Why not her blabbermouth cousin’s? Why not Mr Barker, Ms Carlton, Mr Todd?’ He stared at her irately. ‘Why don’t you do something?’ he demanded.
‘I am,’ she said. ‘I’m asking you to help me. Please Ben. Won’t you even do it for your princess Nora?’
‘No,’ he said, and he motioned as if to continue on his way.
‘Please, Ben,’ she petitioned him, ‘Don’t give up!’
‘Leave him, Noor,’ whispered Anjana, appearing at her side and tugging on her sleeve. ‘It’s over.’
‘How?’
‘I wish I could say the bubbling carbonated chocolate mélange in her stomach erupted like Mount Vesuvius, showering the stupid pricks in vomit,’ she said, glancing at both of them in turn, ‘but sadly it’s much more mundane.’
‘What happened?’
‘Seems Ms Carlton grew a conscience. Turns out ten guys violently molesting a girl isn’t allowed in the school rules after all. Who would’ve thought?’
‘Who called her?’ asked Siti Noor, watching as Ben seemed to strain to listen to their hushed tones.
‘That’s the great mystery, isn’t it Ben?’ replied Anjana, gazing into his eyes.
‘Not really a mystery,’ he shrugged, ‘I spoke to Mr Todd before I spoke to her brother.’
‘Now you tell me,’ exclaimed Siti Noor.
‘Hoped one of them would do something.’
‘Not Sukhbir, then?’
‘Sukhbir arrived too late,’ said Anjana. ‘I saw him when he arrived. Arrogant, boastful. A stupid grin on his face, worse than his sister’s. He was going to fling the door wide open and charge inside. Yep, but he bounced off it instead. It was funny. Bashed his nose.’ She laughed just thinking about it. ‘A teacher yelled at him. Told him the common room’s closed. Sent him back outside, shouting. He was disorientated, confused. Then he’d see all his mates standing in one long line, their backs against the wall, six more teachers standing watch over them. I laughed when I saw him. Looked like he’d seen a ghost.’
‘Maybe he had,’ muttered Ben.
‘I heard him asking what was happening.’
‘As if he didn’t know,’ growled Ben.
‘Todd wanders over. A real grump, his face all a scowl. Asks him if he’s seen his sister yet. His voice is all bitter. Sukhbir says no. Pretends he knows nothing. Yeah, so Todd tells him to follow him, like he’s just annoyed he’s been disturbed from his lunchtime nap. You know what he’s like.’
‘And how is Satya?’ asked Siti Noor.
‘She’ll survive the thumps and bumps okay. Nothing serious. But her humiliation? She looked mortified. I felt sorry for her.’
‘Where is she now?’
‘Staff room, probably. In good hands, I presume.’
Listening in, Ben nodded his head and smiled. ‘Told you Batman wasn’t needed today,’ he said, turning from them. ‘I’m finished with this lunatic asylum.’
The boy was on the move again, but this time his pace had slowed, as if he hoped somebody might convince him to stay. Secretly he hoped that they would call him back, all of his bluster diminished, no longer real.
‘Persuade him not to go, Anjana,’ he heard Siti Noor say, and his heart nearly skipped a beat.
‘Where’s he going?’ he heard her reply. Her question caused him to stand absolutely still.
‘Probably straight to hell, knowing me,’ he replied, glancing back at them.
‘He says he’s leaving school,’ said Siti Noor, ‘Tell him not to.’
‘Too late,’ muttered the boy. ‘This has been on my mind for months. I was stupid to have a dream. To think I’d amount to anything. Nope, I’ll always be a chip off the old block. I was wrong to think I could escape my fate. Wrong to believe I could take a different path.’
‘Don’t say that, Ben,’ said Anjana.
‘No, it’s true. It was all fantasy. You and me. Just a fairy tale. I’m still just a toad.’
‘And you think going all Dick Whittington will be any more real?’ she asked, stepping closer to him. ‘Stay, Ben. Don’t go.’ Her hand landed on his forearm. ‘Please,’ she said, gazing into his eyes, ‘For me.’
Ah, that was what he wanted to hear: she had said it. There it was. She had pulled him back from the brink, he thought. Yes, she had done it. Why he then responded with the words that followed, he had no idea.
‘I’ve already promised Sukhbir I’m out of here,’ he found himself saying, unplanned. ‘I can’t face seeing Satya again,’ he added. ‘I can’t face my friends,’ he moaned. ‘I can’t face any more of Satya’s cousin. I can’t face this life of mine.’
‘Then go!’ bawled Anjana at the top of her voice, shoving him ruthlessly with outstretched hands, pushing him away. ‘Forget we ever existed,’ she screamed at him, as she ran off in the opposite direction, her feet clattering on the hard tarmac.
‘Anjana!’ he called out after her, but in his heart, he knew that he had blown it. Siti Noor’s face revealed that much. Yes, he had utterly blown it now. That was it then: his bitter defeat. Sukhbir had certainly won.
