I think I must just accept that I have a personality that invites others to be extraordinarily rude to me for no apparent reason. No, it’s worse than that. This rudeness follows an act of kindness, after I’ve gone out of my way to serve them. It seems I exude the notion that I’m unworthy …
Can’t say I’m sold on the AI they’ve got me piloting at work. Every email it’s offered to draft for me has been a pile of pants. Where I would write a nice succinct reply, cutting to the chase, it offers a verbose splurge, which mostly amounts to rephrasing back to the sender what they …
Even stock images can now send me into a melancholy spin. Yes, of course I know that those images of happy, smiley people in posh offices are completely contrived, set up by professional photographers trying to make a living selling content to corporate marketing teams. Still, it had its effect, a few moments spent looking …
For about five years now, I’ve spent a lot of my time writing about… erm… writing. Writing about writing, with nothing to show for it. For a while, somewhere back towards the end of 2021, I thought I would pursue those dreams of being a published writer once more. But, as you will have seen, …
It’s our fault, for settling so far away from our families. We could have stayed Up North, I suppose, to have grandparents near at hand. But then, they too moved to the South West in recent years, near to my sister. A few years back, my parents would take the children for a couple of …
All night long, my heart pounds in my chest, nausea pulsating through my veins. The monitor has already revealed we both have very high blood pressure. We believe it’s stress-induced. All night long, I lay awake, watchful of my beloved’s breathing, intervening whenever it seems her dreams may take her back to those moments of …
You know it’s bad when we say to one another, “If anything happens to me, carry on with your life…” That was with palpitations racing through our chest, shocked by the violent rage that exploded from nowhere. It’s hard to deal with the insults, abuse, and threats that nowadays cascade into our lives, obliterating any …
I sound bitter towards everyone. But, really, I’m bitter with myself. This is me reaping what I sowed.
Collect a minimum dataset, I urged. Final spec: a form with 135 data fields. And you ask why I’ve lost my mind. But fear not: here I am at 10pm on Friday evening, still plugging away. Indeed, I will be doing so all weekend to make up for the brain freeze in working hours. Even …
Still staring at that wall of code, egging it on to arrange itself. I gather some people call this a wall of awful. Sounds apt, for it towers above me. Every time I tell myself I’m going to focus now, it lasts about five minutes, and then I’m googling explanations for the state of my …
We can fix a broken window, broken furniture, broken crockery, broken tech. It’s not so easy to fix a broken heart. Who knows if that will ever now mend?
I think part of my problem is that I fall into a hole, forced to silently focus on tasks that are much beneath me. Every now and then, I’m consulted by others on what is my expertise, and suddenly I remember my worth. Listening to myself, I realise, actually, I do know my stuff, and …
Feels like Christmas: I’ve been gifted a brand-new box of teabags. Small pleasures.
I tend not to have spiritual dreams. But on the verge of nearly every major test, I have had perturbing dreams that seemed to foreshadow all that was to come. Alas, I had one of those dreams not long ago. To my horror, it seems it is all now coming to pass. Audhubillah.
I’m suffering from another mood crash today. Nothing serious. Just the standard, “I’m a failure.” I know what’s brought it on. A complete lack of productivity at work. The inability to deliver on my promises. An unfinished job hanging over me. But it led me to ponder on the career successes of all I knew …
