Monday, 21 March 1994
The approach of spring had seemed a cause for celebration, for the long, cold winter had seeded melancholy all around. The gales and floods—and the icy chill in the air—had seemed to last an age, driving some to despair and others into a lingering morbid depression. As the sun moved northwards across the celestial equator on Sunday night, the optimistic began to dream of flourishes of white blossom on the blackthorn trees and of cascading fragrant pink blooms on the Yoshino cherries that lined the avenues of the town. At last, they thought, winter had passed, and they cheered within, embracing their unexpected exuberance.
But it was not to be. As they arose on Monday morning, drawing back their curtains to the first day of spring, those same dark grey clouds greeted them, depositing their consignment of rain, sleet and snow on the ground and on the empty branches of the trees. If any blossom had emerged, it had now been shaken loose by the wild winds that had howled off the Atlantic and across the Pennines overnight, blanketing the north of England white. Anticipating sunshine, but encountering an icy deluge, the students of the town journeyed to school harbouring a joyless bitterness. Only the prospect of the Easter holidays in a week and a half’s time could move them from their gloom.
The smile on Ben’s face seemed out of place then, like an abstract adjunct injected into the sea of misery and dejection. It was as if Anjana had wandered into a parallel universe where everything had been turned on its head: the dour one had turned exultant, while all around the happy ones had slumped into a painful morass that caused them to frown perpetually.
‘It feels like weeks since we’ve spoken,’ she said, catching him on his way from registration, curious of his cheerful eyes. ‘You look so much happier these days,’ she added hurriedly.
‘Yes,’ he replied, ‘I suppose I am.’
Cautiously, she walked beside him as he began to descend the stairs, studying the unusual contentment he seemed to carry. His back seemed straighter, posture less awkward, and neck no longer arched. His cheekbones no longer seemed so obvious, his skin no longer pulled taut.
‘So you’ve given up, then?’ she asked him, ‘Resisting Satya, I mean.’
For a moment, he pondered his reply. ‘I’ve given up giving in,’ he said finally.
‘And yet I never see you speaking to her at school.’
On the half landing, he drew to a halt, pulling her against the outer banister to allow others to pass them by. ‘I know,’ he whispered, shielding his voice guardedly, ‘That’s the agreement we made.’
‘Why? Are you embarrassed or something?’
‘No. It’s just that her brother has big ears and I’ve had enough violence the last few months to last me a lifetime.’ He looked at Anjana determinedly. ‘No one must know that we’re hanging around together,’ he told her firmly, ‘Not Nora, not Siddique, nobody.’
‘Ah, but you’ve told me,’ she smiled back at him, ‘Why am I so special?’
Ben shook his head. ‘You don’t need to ask, Anjana,’ he told her. ‘And just so you know, we’re not dating; it’s nothing like that.’
‘Did I ask? That’s your business. It’s nothing to do with me.’
‘I’m just telling you so you know,’ he said resolutely. ‘I’m not going to get emotionally involved with her. She’s just helping me out with things, and I’m letting her.’
Anjana laughed when she heard him. ‘How mechanical, Ben,’ she chortled. ‘You don’t have to be a robot. Just go with the flow. Just go where life takes you.’
‘I have plans, Anjana. I’m going to do everything it takes to escape this life of mine. I’m focussing on my A-Levels now. I have to get into university and get a good job.’
‘You sound just like Satya. That’s her masterplan too.’
‘Well, what can I say? It’s a good plan, isn’t it? I’m not going to follow in my dad’s footsteps.’
Reading his face, Anjana tried to move him from his place, determined to join her classmates for assembly. ‘Happy to hear it,’ she said half a minute later as they continued on their way, ‘I suppose Satya’s taken it upon herself to tutor you then? She’s all brains. I know we’re all a bit too simple for her. But, no, I’m glad. I’m glad everything’s working out for someone.’
‘Why don’t you say it like you mean it?’ said Ben grumpily, sensing sullenness in her voice.
Anjana shrugged her shoulders. ‘Life’s just lots of ups and downs,’ she muttered despondently. ‘You’re on a high, and I’m happy for you. And just now, I’m on a low. But it’ll pass. I’m happy for you, honestly, I am. You deserve a bit of a break. I’m glad you came to see the good in my friend. I’m glad you don’t think she’s a cow anymore. She has a good heart. Don’t you think?’
‘She’s not as bad as I thought she was,’ he replied.
‘No, she’s not. And neither are you. You deserve someone like her. And she deserves someone like you.’ At the foot of the stairs, she stopped him again and glanced into his eyes. ‘You know, I think everything’s going to be alright,’ she said, ‘I haven’t seen you in a dream for weeks. In fact, I don’t seem to be dreaming at all these days. My mind is quiet.’
‘Ah, but I still see you: standing on your mountain. I saw you last night…’
‘Please don’t tell me,’ she said urgently.
‘Okay, I won’t, but it was all good. You’re in a good place, Anjana. I’m envious of you.’
Before him, she sighed loudly. ‘I wish you had reason to envy me, but… I pray that God makes me the person I want to be.’
‘I do too,’ he replied, smiling at her fondly, ‘You’re always in my thoughts. In fact, more than you could ever imagine. I believe God has great plans for you.’
‘Sometimes I believe that myself: so absolutely certainly, in fact. But in these low times I’m not so sure. I never doubt God, but I doubt myself. I wasn’t expecting to feel like this.’
‘Feel like what?’ he began, only to watch as a shadow seemed to cross her face, her eyes sagging glumly. Before he could respond, she was already hurrying away from him, first with quick steps and then with a scuttle. A door swang back behind her and she was gone.
