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Why would we think our teenagers would live their lives any differently than we did? We led secret lives, and so will they.

Our parents, in our time, became preoccupied with their burgeoning careers, so much so that they couldn’t think of much else. Might we do the same, becoming preoccupied with new relationships, new roles or the care of unwell relatives?

We found the restrictions and demands of our concerned parents difficult to bear. Why the surprise then than our children feel the same? We feel we’re being protective. They think we’re overbearing. We say we only want the best for them, but they think we’re blundering fools.

Long gone the cute kids, completely dependent on us for everything. They’re breaking away, forging their own paths. If they’re destined to repeat every mistake we made, so they will. If history is about to repeat itself, there’s little we can do but brace for impact.

In my time, I too became beholden to the few friends I had, investing everything in those relationships, even when it was clearly leading me down blind alleys. But could anyone have talked me out of those relationships at the time? Of course not. I had to open my own eyes.

Nothing we are discovering now is new. Every generation repeats the cycle, worrying for their young ones, forgetting their own youth. Or, quite possibly, remembering their youth in intimate detail, which is why they’re so desperate to change the course of history.

Teenagers live secret lives, and always will. It’s the painful path of separation. Their letting go. Their moving on. Their becoming fully independent beings. Their vowing never to become like their parents. Their aligning themselves with their peers. Their reimagining their world.

And as for us? We always said we wouldn’t repeat the mistakes of our parents, but we ended up making the same. We became preoccupied with our own problems, and forgot the souls in our midst trying to make sense of their place in the world.

Is there anything at all we can do to fix things?