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BIG BIGLY FITNA. SO BAD, IT MUST BE TYPED IN CAPITALS. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

Salams all.

It’s been brought to our attention that a sheikh you’ve never heard of is embarking on a tour of the UK.

Our sheikh, whom you’ve also never heard of, has made it clear to us, whom you’ve never met, that he in no way represents a group you’ve never heard of.

When asked if any of us could visit him, our sheikh clearly explained to me — the unknown author of this message — in a place you’ve never heard of that he is not a part of the group you’ve never heard of.

Please note that, on a previous visit to an area you do not live in, he caused huge amounts of fitnah by speaking on matters which we can not tell you about.

He was subsequently barred from ever again attending a mosque you’re unlikely ever to visit.

Please pass this message on to everyone you know, so they can ask their husband:

“Love, what on earth is all this about? I was just forwarded this in the sisters’ group. I’ve never heard of any of these people.”

To which he will respond with a rant about the stupid sectarianism which occupies people who have nothing better to do with their time. For he too is a deviant, most likely deserving of a reprimand in capital letters.

Thank you for helping to spread our bigly big fitna. One brotherhood. Peace and love. Catch you in paradise.