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Dear soul: don’t be cut down by envy.

These the words I address myself with this morning, as I return from dropping the kids off for school. All this the result of a close encounter with a dark grey 5 series BMW, hurtling down the other side of the road, his nearside traversing the pavement.

“Hey mate,” I growl, within the confines of my car alone, “the pavement’s for pedestrians.”

The kids raise their eyebrows, listening to dad going off on one again. But as he gets closer, I recognise him. “Oh, I know him,” I say. “That’s er… you know… that’s er… you know your teacher… it’s his…”

“I know who you mean,” offers my daughter.

“Yes, that’s his younger brother.” Then: “Wow, he’s doing well for himself.”

This the start of one of those trains of thought that will have me reflecting on my entire life to date and every misstep along the way.

“He’s in IT,” I tell my son. “Private sector, obviously. Not NHS. So that could be you. If you study hard. If you want to, I mean. I mean, you don’t have to. But it just shows what you can do.” We’re nearing the end of the road now, turning a corner.

“He’s only in his twenties,” I tell my kids. “Only finished uni a couple of years ago. My dad was forty when he got his first BMW. And he was a solicitor. Managing partner. So it just goes to show…”

Clearly my son is bracing himself now for another lecture about studying hard. About understanding that even if he can’t stand computer studies, at least it would provide him with a comfortable life. But I know he’s not keen on this conversation, so I glance at my daughter in the mirror instead. “You could do IT too,” I tell her. “If you wanted to. You don’t have to be male. Women work in IT too.”

Of course it’s time for my favourite anecdote, about those I reacquainted myself with nearly thirty years after our paths last crossed. “There’s this woman I went to college with. She went to what everyone said was the worst school in town…”

“I bet our school is the worst school in town,” interjects our daughter.

“No, not like this,” I say. We only have a choice of a grammar school and academy, so that factoid is irrelevant. “That was a very deprived area. A city. There was a lot of poverty. But…” I glance at her again. “But it didn’t stop her. She studied hard and now…. Now she’s at the top of her field. Has a really top job. Which just goes to show… if you study hard, you can achieve anything.”

As we near the top of the hill, I’m pondering hard on all of my regrets. “In the end it’s up to you. Follow your heart. Do whatever you want to do. But, just… it’s good to keep your options open… It’s early to think about these things… There’s still time, but it’s good to keep these things in mind… Maybe some things don’t appeal to you, but they’ll help you in life. Life is expensive. It can be difficult struggling to make ends meet if you don’t have a good job.”

Obviously dad’s meandering thoughts are unwanted this morning. By the time we arrive at the street I drop them off at, they’re staring out of the window, barely listening. And when they get out, there are no goodbyes. Just two car doors thumping shut.

But for me, the journey home just presents another opportunity to dwell on all that went wrong along the way. What if I had studied the vocational degree of my choice instead? What if I had pursued what I really wanted to do? What if I had had ambition? What if I had had careers advice? What if I had not been weighed down by my physiology? What if I had been able to sell myself? What if I had not driven myself into a cul-de-sac I can’t get out of? What if, what if, what if…

It’s funny, I’ve never really been into cars. My current car is the first really nice one I’ve had. All the rest were utilitarian bangers, bought on the basis of practicality and affordability. So how strange that my head was turned by that luxury marque — probably a lease car — this morning.

How easy to become envious of what others have — a car, a house, a job, a relationship, a way of life — and forget all that you have yourself. Thus do I address myself on my return: O soul, don’t be cut down by your envy. Just lower your gaze and wander on