I suppose the difference between the convert and the activist is that the former was moved by their search for the truth, whereas the latter is moved by the politics of identity. Hence the mutual incomprehension and distrust.

One is called to communitarianism, the other to honour God. One was seeking goodness and virtue, the other solidarity. Hence the humongous rift between us. One sees honesty, good manners, modesty and justice as central to the path. The other believes in whatever it takes.

Hence the juncture we have arrived at, where I find myself targeted, to be driven into a silent retreat, withdrawing back into myself. By now I have a pretty good idea by whom, and why. I had inklings months ago, but it was the name apparently chosen to malign me which gave the game away.

Was that just a warning shot, fired across the bow? Certainly that has been tried before, my website brought down by hackers, the message clear: do not stand firmly for justice as witnesses to God, even as against yourselves. The very opposite of the call of faith.

But, in the end, perhaps I will do as is demanded, and disappear without a trace, just like every other convert that used to teem online. Perhaps I will just vanish back into my private realm, caring for nothing but my family and community, to tarry on unseen. If I did, it would be no loss to anyone.

The timing is no coincidence. Soon enough the truth will come out in full. At that moment, it will be paramount that the counter narrative is made unbreakable. Unreliable voices like mine — all too invested in the morality we proclaim — must be silenced or undermined.

But who is to say I will say anything at all? I trust that voices much greater than mine will at last make themselves heard, moved by conscience to respond to the verses of a Book they recite day and night. As for this absolute nobody: I will gladly toddle off back to obscurity, seeking the pleasure of God alone.


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