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I’m neither a royalist nor a republican; I’m apathetic. I have no interest in that parade of the insanely rich.

I spent the morning of the coronation clearing out the junk from the cupboard under the stairs. A better use of my time all round.

Some friends have been sharing platitudes about the meaning of the moment. I just reached for the fart emoji, never one to be swept along with the tide.

We’re seeing too many celebrations for the mega rich in this time of great hardship for the vast majority of humanity.

Who can forget the billionaires taking joyrides to the edge of space in the midst of a global pandemic? Yesterday’s joyride in a golden pumpkin was no better.

We plebs are meant to suck this up, marvelling at our overlords. For sure, many of our neighbours are taking it in their stride, flags and bunting fluttering in the wind.

It is a great moment. An historic moment. It certainly is: the cupboard under the stairs has never seen such order. Hip, hip, hurray.