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My detractors used to warn others, “Be careful or he’ll be after you,” as if I was a hunter in pursuit of prey. Perhaps it was my fault, for not understanding what my friend was on, or what he would say on my behalf. I thought he was from a very religious home like me, constrained by the same morality.

It turned out I was severely mistaken. Unfortunately, the first time this occurred to me was at our leaving party at a nightclub in town, witness to the behaviour of his friends. Perhaps that was the first time I wondered what had actually come out of his mouth in his defence of me months earlier. For sure, we were poles apart in our approach to life.

But I was not alone in misreading everything. I was from a very strict religious family, our home out in the affluent suburbs. My mother had just been ordained priest, working both as a chaplain at the hospital and at our local church, and my father was managing partner at the foremost firm of solicitors in the city.

There was no way in the world a kid as shy as me could be a hunter in pursuit of prey, seeking out conquests or one night stands. I was never, ever after anything like that at all, for my conduct was forever under scrutiny and subject to the high expectations of my parents and grandparents.

That’s not to say I wasn’t seeking companionship. I was, just like any young person, with blood pulsating through their veins. In truth, I was hoping to follow in my eldest brother’s footsteps, who met his lifelong partner while studying for his A-levels.

My problem, though, was seeking a companion sympathetic to the morality of my family. Foremost amongst them, that expectation of no intimacy before marriage — an expectation which seemed to fly in the face of the popular culture promoted all around us.

Unfortunately, that worry would be my downfall. For while the one I fell for — in my head alone — would probably have been sympathetic to that understanding, that was just the tip of the iceberg. In attempting to conform to my own family’s culture and high expectations, I had accidentally fallen foul of the cultural expectations of others, which turned out to be far more demanding than my own.

Alas, as my cross-cultural awareness was virtually nonexistent in those days, this was a reality I would not understand for years. It never once occurred to me that I was wandering amongst young women who might already have been promised to others. For all I know, some of them may even have been engaged. In any case, theirs was a culture of chastity.

But the misunderstandings were many in those days. It cut both ways. For while others perpetually warned against me, thinking me a predator after anyone like them, the subject of my crush was one alone. Well her, and Julia Roberts. In fact, friends witness to my infatuation tried to persuade me to take an interest in a friend of hers instead, but I could not be moved. Indeed, my devotion to her lasted long after we parted company, which seemingly couldn’t even be shaken by the shocking revelations of an old friend.

There were so many misunderstandings back then. Mostly they were my own. I misunderstood interactions and glances; an understatement, if ever there was one. I misunderstood words I overheard. I misunderstood the lingering stares that seemed to follow me around. Worse than that, I didn’t understand the cultural expectations of those I was wandering amongst. I was very naive in my understanding of the world, and undoubtedly patronising in my attitudes. Nor did I understand how I was perceived by others — only now, looking back on old photos in horror, can I see what they all saw.

But no matter. Perhaps those misunderstandings were good for us at the time. For me, they led to a lifelong mission to better understand others. I wasn’t content to rest on my laurels and revel in my ignorance. Instead, I set out on a road of discovery, which carried me far from home. In a way, though it was once so painful, I am grateful for those misunderstandings. In a way, they changed everything. In that we might say, “It’s all good.”

For sure, today I would apologise to those who were bothered by my eyes back then, when their focus was solely and squarely on their studies, laying foundations for the future. I would apologise too for my runaway heart, which could not be reasoned with, no matter how hard my detractors tried. If I encountered those folk today, I would certainly say, “Sorry for those misunderstandings.”