Do you know, I’m getting rather tired of the near constant chatter that husbands and wives are enemies? The mockery of marriage amongst work colleagues, perhaps, is only to be expected, where phrases like “getting tied down” abound; the night before one’s wedding described as “the last night of freedom”. To encounter the enmity of two halves discussed so frequently and openly between Muslims, however, just causes me despair.
In the Qur’an we read that our spouses are our garments and that we are theirs. And when two strangers come together in this union, Allah puts love and mercy between them.
I don’t deny that some couples do not get along; that a whole range of scenarios exist that can make married life difficult for many men and women. I don’t deny this, but the constant chatter suggests that this is the norm: wives are westernised, inconsiderate, self-centred and exploitative, and vica versa for their husbands.
My faith lies in those beautiful words, wherein God tells us that He puts love and mercy between us. When I met that stranger for the first time, I placed my trust in Him and accepted her as a gift from God. And His words are true, for she is indeed a garment for me. The world that has been opened to me by our union is vast and incomprehensible.
Our marriage isn’t perfect, because we are not perfect people. We are just beginners, learning our deen slowly, correcting the bad traits of our characters little by little. We have our share of arguments and sour faces, but we always resolve to make up before we close our eyes at night: a sincere “Salam alaikum” has to come before sleep takes us away.
I hope and pray that the world of enmity between husband and wife is not the norm, for it is such a depressing thought. How could it be that two people drawn together by the love of God, given as gifts to one-another, turn upon one-another as worst enemies when in fact they should be best friends?
Last modified: 22 September 2024
Hmmm…as the savant al-Ghazali was found of pointing out, ‘Indeed, your wives and children are enemies to you, so be wary of them!’
One can’t read his life, with his frequent abandonment of his family, without feeling that he was a little cold.
Salaams Tim. MashaAllah, thank you for this. i don’t believe that it is the norm for so much enmity to exist between husband and wife. i think it is just a sign of how far from Allah we are that we are publicly ridiculing our spouses and mocking our marriages. No marriage is perfect, and some certainly are terrible. But if it is truly terrible, there are options to rectify the situation. What worries me is how frequently it is Muslims who know their situation is not, indeed, “terrible” and who have no real desire to leave the marriage, but are just venting. Of course we need to vent sometimes, though it is better to vent in du’a to Allah… but we go too far. There is a negativity that we have allowed to become our norm, and only drawing closer to Allah can solve this issue.
Anon, i could be mistaken, but i think you are misinterpreting Al-Ghazali’s saying. i do not believe that he literally meant to avoid marriage and children, nor to say that a wife and children are burdens. i think he was pointing out that some of us, men & women, allow them to become a distraction and excuse from our duties to Allah, and we should be careful of that. i will not presume to pass judgement upon a Saint who was far greater than i in every way to say that he “abandoned” his family, as there are many men and women who leave their families for any number of worldly reasons (travel, excessive hours on the job, spending time out with friends, etc) rather than out of searching and learning or teaching the deen. The issue is one of balance, inshaAllah.
May Allah make us more merciful to one another, especially to those we are sharing our lives with, ameen.
“Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind: if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something in which God has put much good.” Qur’an