Essential criteria:

“Established credibility and authority, and experience of gaining the confidence of very senior colleagues.”

In a way, yes, I meet this criteria. But only from behind my computer screen.

In person? With my perpetual slouch, wonky teeth, and dithering conversation?

Of course, I am not credible. I don’t have the stature required for the advertised role.

But no big deal. Who wants a two-hour commute to East London for a pretend hybrid role?

Better to accept my limitations as some kind of blessing in disguise.

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