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I am caught in a perpetual struggle with myself.

Twenty-six years ago, on this very Bank Holiday weekend, I was caught in a struggle as to whether to respond to the call of faith, or turn away.

All these years later, another battle is raging within, between a part of me which wishes to pursue a project oft-returned to, and a part which says, “Leave it for the sake of your soul.”

Nothing new to see here, of course. This is just the latest round of the perpetual inner conflict.

I remember nearly every one of these inner conversations, debating with myself at length. One while wandering down Drury Lane in 1999. Another on the edge of Brent Lodge Park after Jummah in 2003.

Nothing ever changes, really. This is my constant. This inner debate. These inner battles. For a quarter of century now, and counting.

Of course, I know the answer, as I always do. The heart makes that self-evident. The answer to the question is easy. The hard part is acting on it.

Truth always stands out clear from error. Finding the strength to respond in kind, though. That is the perpetual struggle. May God grant me strength and wisdom.