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I frequently identify all that troubles me — and seems to hold me back from making spiritual progress — as my lower self. But what if that is a misdiagnosis? Or only a partial diagnosis?

What if it is in fact a manifestation of my chromo — and possibly neuro — diversity? Does that make any difference? Does it belonging to an atypical phenotype alter accountability?

Is my striving against it a losing battle because it is hard coded into my being? Does it being hard wired change the nature of that inner battle? Or is it rather the perpetual test bestowed on this soul?

Where others are tested by their environment or surroundings, it would seem that I am mostly tested by my inner state. Perhaps a well-known verse is instructive here:

“God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”

Quran 13:11

Some would say that all of mankind is caught in the exact same unceasing battle between the lower and higher self. It might be said that I am no different to any other. Who knows?

The question I am really asking is this: is it a spiritual malady, or a characteristic phenotype requiring medical intervention, no different from the physical manifestations?

Is it an esoteric affliction that can be tamed by tarbiyah, or is it some kind of biochemical imbalance requiring redress?

In short, can it be cured by prayer and persistent striving alone? Or, like the physical manifestations of my condition, does it require intervention of an altogether different kind?

Such are the inner ruminations of one caught in that unceasing battle between the lower and higher self.

And so to the next question: with which of my selves does this inquiry originate? My higher self feeling charitable, or my lower self seeking excuses?