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There is little worse than being victimised by someone you like or admire. First, there is the moment, which breaks your heart, unseen. Then there is the afterwards, which lives on and festers for years to come.

In the afterwards, there is the blame game: either blaming yourself or their friends or relatives, but never ever the one you liked. In the afterwards, it is not like the assault of a stranger or enemy, for your liking them has rendered you blind.

The antagonist and antagonised are not the same. For the former, their words or deeds were just moments, quickly forgotten, never to be recollected or wondered about. For the latter, defining moments, which will resurface from the depths of their soul for no apparent reason even decades later.

There could be little worse than being brought low by one you thought sweet or angelic, whom you’ve held in high esteem. Never will it occur to you that they were not like that at all. Indeed, if you happen to encounter them again years later, you might feel vindicated that you were right to hold a high opinion of them after all.

But probably not. For most likely, they will not remember any of it. And why would they? For though they once meant the world to you, to them you were just a passing soul to be lambasted at a moment of ascent for your weird looks, annoying voice, presumed intentions or supposed affiliations.

To them, you were not even an atom. You did not have thoughts or feelings, or a soul capable of being crushed. You were less than dust. Something like dirt. A shape to be taunted with piercing eyes, undermined with pointed words and castigated daily for even existing.

If only they were the same to you. For though you may not remember the faces of your tormenters on the bus, or in the corridors of school, or the young man who pinned you to the wall by your neck, or the gang that set upon you to kick you to the ground, some faces never escape you.

This is the curse of being trounced by one you admired. First, there was the moment, which smashed your heart to pieces. Then there was the afterwards.