Everybody has done so well for themselves. A more generous soul would celebrate their successes. But for me, it just sends me down into a cycle of despondency. It’s not so much envy as deep regret.
Daily I see my contemporaries celebrating yet another accreditation, boosting their career and setting in motion the next big thing. Everyone seems to have such clear goals in sight, rising through the ranks towards their ultimate job.
Of course, my wife is more optimistic than I am. She says, “What’s wrong with you? You’re your own boss. You plan your own work. You’re left to your own devices. You work from home. You’re providing a valuable service. Your colleagues think highly of you. What more do you want?”
At this point, I might offer a “Yeah, but…” But again my wife must offer perspective. “Nobody’s happy with their job. Everybody’s looking for something else. But at the end of the day, it’s just a means to an end. Your job is not your life. It’s a salary. It enables you to look after us.”
Sometimes I wonder if this is enough, though. Other people have real vocations, like the healthcare professionals I support daily. They have a passion and drive. “And what’s wrong with your passion?” my wife asks me. “Are you not now doing what you’ve always wanted to do?”
In a way, she’s right. On optimistic days, I’d say I’ve found my groove, but the remainder of the time it feels more like I’m stuck in a rut, with nowhere to go from here. Or that I’ve driven myself into a cul-de-sac, from which there’s no way back.
“But why do you need a way back?” asks my wife. “We’re doing fine. We’re wanting for nothing. Do you really want to go back to commuting every day? Coming home tired and grumpy? For what? You built us a house with the money you saved working from home.”
Of course, she’s right, always wise in the face of my self-deprecating pessimism. While I find myself knocked off course, comparing myself to the impressive résumés of my peers, she’s capable of seeing the bigger picture. This is our risq, she reminds me. Won’t you just be grateful?
Last modified: 22 September 2024
