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I don’t know if the interventions really work. There is a peak, lasting for about six weeks during which I seem to be on top form. But by this stage, midway between injections, I seem to hit a slump and find myself back where I started, demotivated, disinterested, easily distracted.

Of course, it’s difficult to know whether this is indeed biological, or if it can in fact be attributed to an unsatisfactory work environment, a lack of suitable stimulation or simply boredom. Perhaps it’s a combination of both. Either way, I find my motivation plummeting at the same point between injections every quarter.

What can I say that it helps with? Well, it used to be that I looked much younger than my age. Those who spend their lives searching for the elixir of eternal youth might say this sounds like a great advantage, but really it wasn’t. Who wants to spend their twenties looking like a teenager, forever harangued by unkind words?

So for helping to transform my appearance from perpetual juvenile closer to my true age, I am grateful for these interventions. Similarly, for years I was frequently derided for my lack of facial hair, taken by many both at work and in social settings to signify my apparent unmanliness. And then there was my muscle tone, or rather complete lack of it. I am glad those days are done.

What does it not seem to help with? Short term memory: don’t ask me what I did yesterday, as I’ll have to check my diary. A short attention span: if I am writing, or working on code, or editing photos, I can focus for hours until finished, but when it comes to the mundane, I am very easily distracted. Brain fog: this perpetually numbness in my head which seems to continually undermine me.

I do, however, notice during those first few weeks following each injection that I am much more assertive. At work, it manifests in me taking greater control of issues which arise, asserting my authority to resolve problems and taking ownership. At home, it’s possibly less welcome as I become less passive and more demanding, likely to seem less forgiving or tolerant of misbehaviour.

And, of course, it seems to help with low mood, granting me greater positivity and more optimism. But again it seems these effects can sometimes be short-lived. Certainly, at this juncture I can feel myself slipping back towards feelings of regret and envy, castigating myself for the failures which led to this point. Then again, that could just be an environmental effect, born of often unfulfilling work.

In truth, it’s difficult to say exactly where the effects of the condition end, and where environmental factors start. When delivering training, I often listen to myself and find myself reflecting, “Actually, I’m much more lucid than I give myself credit for.” Or when supporting someone with a technical issue, I think, “Gosh, I actually know my stuff.” A big thing for me, having struggled with coherent speech for so many years.

What I do know is that I feel extremely guilty at this stage in the cycle, finding myself so disengaged from my work, struggling daily to stay motivated to complete the numerous tasks set out before me. It could be that I’ve simply outgrown my role, but feel I have nowhere to go. Equally, it could just be waning hormones: that downward curve back towards fatigue, lethargy and those all-consuming blues.

If only there was a way to tell the two apart, so as to overcome these cycles of disengagement and guilt. I think I need to call in the experts.