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I think I have established that treatment has a positive impact on my mood, cognitive performance and self-confidence. Conversely, neglecting treatment has a detrimental effect, causing me to think negatively, generally feel despondent, lack motivation and exhibit heightened anxiety.

This the thought that occurs to me ten days after my last injection, when I would expect its effects to kick in, all of a sudden finding myself more optimistic and content with life. I can now see how even that two-month delay had an impact on my mood. I have learnt my lesson.

Whenever I have an existential crisis, this really is the first question I ought to ask myself: am I running late with these interventions again? To be sure, it was extremely foolish of me to neglect treatment for so long prior to restarting it a year ago. No wonder I had such a heavy bout of anxiety and the blues, only now properly understood.

It is important to look after yourself, and not simply disengage. Right now I can feel the difference it is making. Perhaps others can perceive that too, without being aware of the cause. Today a work colleague commented that I always seem so calm and collected in the face of whatever is thrown my way.

I joked that it’s actually just that nobody can hear me swearing because I work remotely. But no, there was some truth in what he said: right now I am feeling positive and confident in my work. Nothing much has changed in my work environment, so that has to be the effect of that boost. Perhaps the spike causes a high, or buzz.

So now I know what I must do from here on to remain optimistic and motivated in my daily living. It’s foolish to think — as I thought during my long-lasting disregard — that these deficits have a positive value, helping me to tame my soul. No, it turns out that quite the reverse was true.

I was simply mistaking my downcast melancholy for some kind of sober piety, when really it was just sending me into an impatient and ungrateful despair. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble — various outbursts, an almighty meltdown, crushing anxiety and a year of weirdness — if I had simply kept up with my treatment, right on time. Lesson learned.