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Build bridges. Don’t put up walls. So much conflict could be avoided if we only learnt to communicate with one another.

It has taken me a quarter of a century to make sense of some events, mostly because none of us bothered to have a conversation back then.

Indeed, the thing that helped me most was writing a new novel over the winter, and listening to the conversations of the characters splurging out onto the page.

Talking frankly like that years ago could have changed everything. Perhaps my life could have taken a completely different direction.

Instead, I was the silent one, relying too much on the interventions and interpretations of others. And the other party: they spoke much of and about me, but never once thought to actually speak to me.

We just built a huge wall between us. The result was mutual incomprehension. If only we had built a bridge.