Conclusion
My mother ended the penultimate section of her essay by stating, ‘we look forward to further opportunities for dialogue in the future.’ In writing this response to her essay in bits and pieces over several weeks since she gave us a copy, my intention has been to take up this challenge and continue the process. As I begin to find my own feet in faith, pondering still on direction, learning more and moving on, it seems natural that a process of real dialogue should commence between us.
In the first section I sought to take the story of my conversion to Islam to a slightly deeper level, suggesting where there is room for dialogue and manoeuvre. I also wished to point out that my post-conversion experience was not one of particular ease. Fortunately I have learnt a number of useful lessons from other convert acquaintances, finding my encounter mirrored in that of others. To quote Abdal-Hakim Murad once more:
The initial and quite understandable response of many newcomers is to become an absolutist. Everything going on among pious Muslims is angelic; everything outside the circle of the faith is demonic. The appeal of this outlook lies in its simplicity. … This mindset is sometimes called ‘convertitis’. It is a common illness, which can make those who have caught it rather difficult to deal with. Fortunately, it almost always wears off. … A majority of people come to Islam for real spiritual or intellectual reasons, and will continue with their quest once they are inside Islam. Becoming Muslim is, after all, only the first step to felicity. (British and Muslim?)
My later discussion on the theological perspectives raised by my mother may in the end be of less worth, but I attempted to illustrate some of my interpretations of the issues anyway, perhaps as a way of exhibiting my current thought patterns. Saying what we think is often easier than describing it, thus it may be useful for this reason if for no other. Those sections which I ignored, such as on the Trinity and Mission, I did so because I do not have the relevant knowledge. This example could, therefore, be an area for further discussion, where an exposition of the Christian viewpoint could be explained in detail.
Although Muslim politics are very much in the news at the moment, I feel it is too early to jump to a discussion of these matters. It would be better for us build foundations of understanding as to what each of us believes. The machinations of terrorists, after all, are something I understand no better than the next man. If we focus on that which we understand, then the outcome will inevitably be beneficial. My mother writes:
As regards Tim, we are now ready to engage in dialogue which is not seen as accepting everything he wishes us to, but not denying the genuineness of his faith and that of other Muslims. He expects Christians, too to share their faith.
This is wholly reasonable and I hope my efforts here may be accepted as a small contribution to this dialogue.
Last modified: 22 September 2024
that was excellent; jazakAllah khayr.I’d be interested to know what the ‘small things’ were which attracted you to Islam. The writer here mentions the same thing: http://www.masud.co.uk/ISLAM/nuh/bmuslim.htm
You mentioned that by reading the Quran you were convinced of the existence of God, and that revelation from God is indeed a possibility.My question is: What did you read in the Quran which convinced you of the above? How is it different from other religious scriptures? Was it a spiritual/warm/fuzzy experience reading it, or is there something tangible in the episode?Jazak Allah Khair.
Assalamu Alaikum,I came by way of your comment on UmmZaid’s page at Sunnisisters. Thanks so much for this essay. It makes me think of what I went/am going through with my own mother, and just reviewing the whole situation. Thank you.peaceTwennyTwo
wow.Jazak’Allah Khayre.
Salam alaikum,Anonymous 1: the little things would be gentle words, modesty, humility and kindness. Muslims can often be brash, harsh, arrogant, but the best Muslims really are the best of humanity.if0rg0t: The Qur’an convinced me of the existence of God and that revelation is indeed a possibility through passages such as those in which Allah says He turned to the heavens and the earth when it was smoke and commanded them to come willingly or unwilling. As a fan of programmes such as Horizon and the amazing Hubble space telescope images, those verses and others were poignant. twennytwo: I am glad it was useful.Wasalam
Salaam BrotherI found your link on Abu Eesa’s website and all I want to say is that this is a beautiful and touching piece of literature.May God increase you in perseverance.
Salaam ‘alaikum.Tim, greatly enjoyed your essay; thanks for sharing this. I thought the second half in particular was quite good, knowledgeable. I did want to ask, though, if it’s not too personal a question, regarding your family’s reaction to your getting married. Based on what you wrote, I couldn’t really understand why they might have gotten upset. There were a couple of other, minor questions, such as “SOAS.” Which means? 🙂
SOAS = School of Oriental and African Studies, a college of the University of London. See http://www.soas.ac.uk
BismillahiRahmaniRaheem as-salamu’alaikum,Excellent, just excellent
Assalamu AlaikumI felt your words and descriptions of your reversion truly mirror my own experiences. SubhanAllah. May Allah reward you for your candidness.
Dear BrotherMashaAllah, may Allah reward you for your struggles, for the tears that you have shed and for the endurance and patience you have exhibited. My prayers are not hollow because I am exactly in your shoes before marriage. On the one hand, is putting my family to shame, dishonour and public embarassment if U marry a muslim. On the other hand, is my duty to God to get married. But I have with a lot of pain come to the difficult decision to simply remain unmarried till either (i) my parents take pity on my solitary existence and let me marry a muslim woman or (ii) my parents leave this world, which will allow me to marry when I’m probably 45+. Those are what lie ahead of me. There is nothing lacking in my life to prevent me from getting married except the resistance of my parents and they know they can resist now while I’m still 27. It’s a long wait for me. I do thank Allah that (as you said) He blessed me with the wisdom to distinguish and choose this option. At the same time, I also extend my heartfelt sympathies to you at the agony with your parents you must have gone through during your wedding. I know of a close friend of mine who went through a similar experience. I cannot imagine, at this stage of my life, enduring that for even one second of it. Truly, Allah has blessed you with great courage and character. Pls pray for this brother of yours. Was-salam
Assalamaleikum Wa RahmatulahInteresting post, always beneficial to see the difficulties and trials of others so we can understand their situation better and see how Allah has blessed us.Real point I want to make is that there is NO Shariah impediment with a Muslim male marrying without the permission of his parents – be they Muslim or Non-Muslim – if they are refusing for unislamic reasons such as ethnicity, etc.The situation for Muslim females is more complex, as they require the permission of their Mahram – but if her parents are non-muslim, the Mahram is the ‘Imam’ – what that means in the west is generalised, but in general seems to be the local qadi.This question discusses around the issue http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=82724&dgn=4Furthermore, depending on the individual (and needs) the obligation to get married varies from sunnah to obligatory – and there is no obedience to the creation in lieu of the creator.That all being said – speak to a scholar or qadi about your case – but please do NOT think that your parents can stop you from getting married per-se, they may have legitimate concerns and you should discuss with them and listen to them, but their grounds to prevent your marriage to a specific person have to be islamically permissible.Don’t take ANY actions in things like this based on a comment on a blog, but speak to someone of knowledge about your individual circumstance first. However do not feel that it is islamically binding on you not to get married so as to please your parents – as this is fallacious thinking.WSFulaan
Sorry, this question is probably more relevant to your situation – specifically point four.http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=69752&dgn=4
FulaanShariah offering no impediment to disobeying my parents and getting married does not mean that the Shariah suggests that as the only solution to my problem. It merely opens the door of options wider. My choice to wait and stay single, even if it means till the age of 45+, till Allah dissolves the resistance of my parents, is also a *shariah-compliant* solution but one that is more suited for my circumstances.
Like I said, everyone’s individual circumstances are different – and only you know your circumstances best.I was just pointing out that in (general terms) there is nothing wrong in this case of going against your parents – and as such can not as such be considered an act of piety by choosing to follow their prohibition – and in fact may be disobedience if your situation is one upong whom marriage is mandatory. In that case the circumstance can be likened to your parents ordering you not to pray or fast.That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it.You know your situation best, and what applies and what does not apply to your own circumstances.May Allah grant you ease in whichever way you choose to solve your predicament.Fulaan
FulaanThanks for your clarification. I’ll repeat what you said – “That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it”