Dialogue

For dialogue to be beneficial, I feel that we should set aside philosophical debates over our approach to different faiths and come as we are with a view to first understanding what we each, as faith communities, believe. I have encountered time and again Christians writing about Islam with no real knowledge of its basic teachings; and, yes, Muslims writing on Christianity in a similar manner. The question of forgiveness is a key example, many writers convinced by the notion that Christianity exclusively amongst the world religions has addressed the issue. The prominent evangelist associated with the Alpha Course, Nicky Gumbel writes, ‘In Islam sinners will face judgement without forgiveness.’ (Searching Issues, p.31). This is wholly incorrect. If one repents, then God may forgive him; if he does not, then he will face judgement without forgiveness, which is exactly the same position held by the Church for those who do not except Christ. Similarly my mother writes:

Was his religion not denying the grace and truth found in Christ and instead making him rely on salvation by good works? Though emphasising Allah as compassionate and merciful there seemed little concept of forgiveness, the Fatherhood of God and of the pre-eminence of love as in the Christian faith.

This small passage presents a number of simple misunderstandings. Salvation by good works is a Catholic concept. Muslims do not believe that humans are by nature fallen; therefore they do not seek salvation. Instead, good works are undertaken for the pleasure of God, who loves goodness and beauty. Furthermore, we are not judged by the deeds themselves, but by the intentions behind them. Thus I could feed the poor seeking people’s good opinion of me and it would not benefit me at all. Secondly, there is a huge amount of emphasis placed on the concept of forgiveness; it just happens that it is a practical rather than metaphysical step:

From Anas that he said, ‘I heard the Messenger of Allah saying, “Allah said, ‘Son of Adam, as long as you call on Me and hope in Me, I will forgive you whatever comes from you and I do not care. Son of Adam, even if your wrong actions were to reach to the clouds of the sky and then you seek forgiveness of Me I will forgive you. Son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with nearly the earth in wrong actions and then later you meet Me, not associating anything with Me, then I will definitely bring nearly as much as it in forgiveness’.” ’ (Quoted in An-Nawawi, The Complete Forty Hadith, p.145)

It may be the Muslims’ fault that such misunderstandings exist and, indeed, it possible that the angry faces and actions of some Muslims have perpetuated these ideas. The fact is, however, that learning must precede dialogue, if such elemental concepts are not yet appreciated, or at least take place within that realm. In our reading of The Road Ahead we noticed that the dialogue began immediately with a number of quite focused studies; there was no presentation of what either religions believe at heart. It may have been taken for granted that this was previously known, but it is possible that this was too generous an assumption.

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16 Replies to “Faith and Family”

  1. Anonymous says:

    that was excellent; jazakAllah khayr.I’d be interested to know what the ‘small things’ were which attracted you to Islam. The writer here mentions the same thing: http://www.masud.co.uk/ISLAM/nuh/bmuslim.htm

  2. if0rg0t says:

    You mentioned that by reading the Quran you were convinced of the existence of God, and that revelation from God is indeed a possibility.My question is: What did you read in the Quran which convinced you of the above? How is it different from other religious scriptures? Was it a spiritual/warm/fuzzy experience reading it, or is there something tangible in the episode?Jazak Allah Khair.

  3. TwennyTwo says:

    Assalamu Alaikum,I came by way of your comment on UmmZaid’s page at Sunnisisters. Thanks so much for this essay. It makes me think of what I went/am going through with my own mother, and just reviewing the whole situation. Thank you.peaceTwennyTwo

  4. Anonymous says:

    wow.Jazak’Allah Khayre.

  5. The Neurocentric says:

    Salam alaikum,Anonymous 1: the little things would be gentle words, modesty, humility and kindness. Muslims can often be brash, harsh, arrogant, but the best Muslims really are the best of humanity.if0rg0t: The Qur’an convinced me of the existence of God and that revelation is indeed a possibility through passages such as those in which Allah says He turned to the heavens and the earth when it was smoke and commanded them to come willingly or unwilling. As a fan of programmes such as Horizon and the amazing Hubble space telescope images, those verses and others were poignant. twennytwo: I am glad it was useful.Wasalam

  6. Anonymous says:

    Salaam BrotherI found your link on Abu Eesa’s website and all I want to say is that this is a beautiful and touching piece of literature.May God increase you in perseverance.

  7. JD says:

    Salaam ‘alaikum.Tim, greatly enjoyed your essay; thanks for sharing this. I thought the second half in particular was quite good, knowledgeable. I did want to ask, though, if it’s not too personal a question, regarding your family’s reaction to your getting married. Based on what you wrote, I couldn’t really understand why they might have gotten upset. There were a couple of other, minor questions, such as “SOAS.” Which means? 🙂

  8. Anonymous says:

    SOAS = School of Oriental and African Studies, a college of the University of London. See http://www.soas.ac.uk

  9. Yursil says:

    BismillahiRahmaniRaheem as-salamu’alaikum,Excellent, just excellent

  10. UmmFarouq says:

    Assalamu AlaikumI felt your words and descriptions of your reversion truly mirror my own experiences. SubhanAllah. May Allah reward you for your candidness.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Dear BrotherMashaAllah, may Allah reward you for your struggles, for the tears that you have shed and for the endurance and patience you have exhibited. My prayers are not hollow because I am exactly in your shoes before marriage. On the one hand, is putting my family to shame, dishonour and public embarassment if U marry a muslim. On the other hand, is my duty to God to get married. But I have with a lot of pain come to the difficult decision to simply remain unmarried till either (i) my parents take pity on my solitary existence and let me marry a muslim woman or (ii) my parents leave this world, which will allow me to marry when I’m probably 45+. Those are what lie ahead of me. There is nothing lacking in my life to prevent me from getting married except the resistance of my parents and they know they can resist now while I’m still 27. It’s a long wait for me. I do thank Allah that (as you said) He blessed me with the wisdom to distinguish and choose this option. At the same time, I also extend my heartfelt sympathies to you at the agony with your parents you must have gone through during your wedding. I know of a close friend of mine who went through a similar experience. I cannot imagine, at this stage of my life, enduring that for even one second of it. Truly, Allah has blessed you with great courage and character. Pls pray for this brother of yours. Was-salam

  12. Fulaan ibn Fulaan says:

    Assalamaleikum Wa RahmatulahInteresting post, always beneficial to see the difficulties and trials of others so we can understand their situation better and see how Allah has blessed us.Real point I want to make is that there is NO Shariah impediment with a Muslim male marrying without the permission of his parents – be they Muslim or Non-Muslim – if they are refusing for unislamic reasons such as ethnicity, etc.The situation for Muslim females is more complex, as they require the permission of their Mahram – but if her parents are non-muslim, the Mahram is the ‘Imam’ – what that means in the west is generalised, but in general seems to be the local qadi.This question discusses around the issue http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=82724&dgn=4Furthermore, depending on the individual (and needs) the obligation to get married varies from sunnah to obligatory – and there is no obedience to the creation in lieu of the creator.That all being said – speak to a scholar or qadi about your case – but please do NOT think that your parents can stop you from getting married per-se, they may have legitimate concerns and you should discuss with them and listen to them, but their grounds to prevent your marriage to a specific person have to be islamically permissible.Don’t take ANY actions in things like this based on a comment on a blog, but speak to someone of knowledge about your individual circumstance first. However do not feel that it is islamically binding on you not to get married so as to please your parents – as this is fallacious thinking.WSFulaan

  13. Fulaan ibn Fulaan says:

    Sorry, this question is probably more relevant to your situation – specifically point four.http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=69752&dgn=4

  14. Anonymous says:

    FulaanShariah offering no impediment to disobeying my parents and getting married does not mean that the Shariah suggests that as the only solution to my problem. It merely opens the door of options wider. My choice to wait and stay single, even if it means till the age of 45+, till Allah dissolves the resistance of my parents, is also a *shariah-compliant* solution but one that is more suited for my circumstances.

  15. Fulaan ibn Fulaan says:

    Like I said, everyone’s individual circumstances are different – and only you know your circumstances best.I was just pointing out that in (general terms) there is nothing wrong in this case of going against your parents – and as such can not as such be considered an act of piety by choosing to follow their prohibition – and in fact may be disobedience if your situation is one upong whom marriage is mandatory. In that case the circumstance can be likened to your parents ordering you not to pray or fast.That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it.You know your situation best, and what applies and what does not apply to your own circumstances.May Allah grant you ease in whichever way you choose to solve your predicament.Fulaan

  16. Anonymous says:

    FulaanThanks for your clarification. I’ll repeat what you said – “That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it”

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