Opening to religion
There were, at the same time, a number of other influences on me which introduced me to Muslim belief, if in a rather superficial manner. I had a Swahili speaking Danish friend who seemed to have a strong interest in Islam. Together we, both of us non-Muslims, talked about the religion on a number of occasions. Another influence was unspoken; it was simply the conduct and behaviour of a single Muslim student which impressed me greatly, no matter the pretty negative experience I had had with a number of other Muslim students during the same year. The little things are often the most powerful and there were quite a few of them. I would say that by the end of that academic year I had an inkling of an interest in Islam and more of an openness to religion in general.
With this revived interest in religion, I attended All Souls’ Church, Langham Place, during the summer holidays of 1997 with my maternal grandmother and listened to one of a series of lectures on the ‘Four Faces of Christ’. The thrust of John Stott’s argument was that each of the four canonical gospels represented a different image of Christ: Matthew presented the Christ of scripture; Mark, the suffering servant; Luke, the saviour of the world; and John, the Word made flesh. There being some substance to what was being taught and it being said in a well considered manner, I was impressed by his sermon. In fact, more than that, it renewed my interest in Christianity and convinced me that I had some serious work to do on myself.
With the new academic year I began attending that same church every Sunday, motivated primarily by my search for the Truth and slightly by the prospect of a good lunch in the basement afterwards. I offered little input to the proceedings of the services, refraining from singing the hymns and reverting to saying only the first line of the Nicene Creed again, but would attend mainly to listen to the sermons. An older couple who I sat next to one week gave me some kind encouragement, but unfortunately my claim to be confused and just searching for the Truth was met with less sympathy by others I met. It was as if some ‘got it’ and some ‘couldn’t get it’; indeed this sentiment was later expressed by the preacher on one particular Sunday, Richard Bewes. He had invited anyone not absolutely convinced by his evangelistic sermon to stay behind after the service for further explanation. Sadly his elucidation included the concept that this was so simple that even a four year old could understand it. As someone who wasn’t even sure of the provenance of the scripture itself, this explanation hardly solicited great encouragement. One can understand something, but that is very different from believing in it. I felt insulted by the nature of the preacher’s explanation and decided, rightly or wrongly, that there was nothing to be gained from returning the following week.
During this same period and more and more following this experience at All Souls’, I retained an interest in Islam. My pool-playing friend from the previous year was just getting interested in Islam himself and, although he was hardly what you could call a missionary, I frequently asked him questions about his belief. One thing which seemed apparent to me at the time was that people of faith, both Christians and Muslims, were rather reserved when it came to sharing their beliefs with others. Searching for the Truth, it seemed like a steep up-hill struggle getting answers from anyone. My mother suggests in her essay that it could be perceived that I was targeted by young Muslim friends. In fact my own experience was that the Muslims students, with the main exception of my Scottish-Iraqi friend, were rather aloof and unapproachable, at least while my interest was more academic than prospecting. They appeared to have no interest, I thought at the time, in sharing their faith with the non-Muslims around them.
Despite this, my interest in Islam grew. I began taking books out on the subject from the library at SOAS to read in my own time. I began forcing my questions on other Muslim students, seeking to know what they thought about such and such, or why they believed this or that. At night I began praying in the manner I imagined Muslims must pray, prostrating with my head on the ground, asking God (if He was there, for I still wasn’t sure at the time) to guide me. Then slowly, through reading the Qur’an and a modern commentary on it, I began to have certainty in belief that God was indeed there and that He really did exist.
So at that point, did I then turn to Islam? No, I turned back to Christianity! The Qur’an had proved to me, as far as I was concerned, that God did exist. So, with this belief, I found the person who had invited me to a Bible study earlier in the year and asked if they still did them. I was suddenly positive that God had communicated to mankind through Prophets, so looking back at Christianity seemed easier: there was less to doubt. I was invited to attend the London International Church of Christ, an evangelistic conservative church (described by many as a cult) with a fundamentalist reading of the Bible and an attitude about themselves that they were the true ‘first century’ church. For a while I was keenly looking into the Bible again, until it dawned on me that the only reason I was looking into it was because of the Qur’an which had made it clear to me that revelation from God was not such a ridiculous idea. Now and then I would think, ‘Revelation? That’s so unlikely,’ but then I would remember the Qur’an and I would think, ‘But how do I account for that?’
You search desperately for the Truth, considering it an urgent quest, until you start to see where it might lead which is when disproving ‘that’ Truth takes over. A week or so before Easter 1998 I had been planning to return home with all my questions about Islam and to discuss the issues with my parents. I thought it possible, because some time earlier I had had a long discussion about Christianity on the telephone with my mother. She had encouraged me to dispense with my attempted readings of the Old Testament for a while and focus on the Epistles of Paul instead. In the event, it seemed that the discussion was no longer necessary. Before the end of term I discovered a Protestant Christian website devoted to all things to do with Islam, and it seemed to answer all those questions, to throw doubt on my previous conclusions.
As a result, when I returned home for Easter, I didn’t even mention Islam, but instead returned to the florescent pen study of my Bible. Looking for the Truth once more, I kept thinking, well maybe this is true. I had Dunn’s Christiology in the Making and Lohse’s Short History of Christian Doctrine, which I had bought thinking I might be enlightened. They don’t, however, provide any answers – only more questions. On my return to London, Islam was back in my mind; I couldn’t help thinking about what I had read about Islam. Were the refutations of that website really so solid? There were things which certainly seemed to be true in the Qur’an, a number of which I couldn’t remove from my head. So it was over the early May Bank Holiday weekend of 1998 that I shut myself in my room, switched off my telephone and worked through everything that I had come across. I had heard the refutations and the explanations, but they suddenly fell into insignificance. I believed in Islam.
Naturally, this account is wholly inadequate as an explanation of my journey towards Islam. I will have forgotten some of the things which happened, put things in the wrong order, neglected to mention something I felt or thought. That is why it is easier to explain why I became Muslim than to say how, hence the quotation of something I wrote two years ago in my mother’s essay; that I came to accept Islam not because of people, but because I believe it to be from God.
Last modified: 22 September 2024
that was excellent; jazakAllah khayr.I’d be interested to know what the ‘small things’ were which attracted you to Islam. The writer here mentions the same thing: http://www.masud.co.uk/ISLAM/nuh/bmuslim.htm
You mentioned that by reading the Quran you were convinced of the existence of God, and that revelation from God is indeed a possibility.My question is: What did you read in the Quran which convinced you of the above? How is it different from other religious scriptures? Was it a spiritual/warm/fuzzy experience reading it, or is there something tangible in the episode?Jazak Allah Khair.
Assalamu Alaikum,I came by way of your comment on UmmZaid’s page at Sunnisisters. Thanks so much for this essay. It makes me think of what I went/am going through with my own mother, and just reviewing the whole situation. Thank you.peaceTwennyTwo
wow.Jazak’Allah Khayre.
Salam alaikum,Anonymous 1: the little things would be gentle words, modesty, humility and kindness. Muslims can often be brash, harsh, arrogant, but the best Muslims really are the best of humanity.if0rg0t: The Qur’an convinced me of the existence of God and that revelation is indeed a possibility through passages such as those in which Allah says He turned to the heavens and the earth when it was smoke and commanded them to come willingly or unwilling. As a fan of programmes such as Horizon and the amazing Hubble space telescope images, those verses and others were poignant. twennytwo: I am glad it was useful.Wasalam
Salaam BrotherI found your link on Abu Eesa’s website and all I want to say is that this is a beautiful and touching piece of literature.May God increase you in perseverance.
Salaam ‘alaikum.Tim, greatly enjoyed your essay; thanks for sharing this. I thought the second half in particular was quite good, knowledgeable. I did want to ask, though, if it’s not too personal a question, regarding your family’s reaction to your getting married. Based on what you wrote, I couldn’t really understand why they might have gotten upset. There were a couple of other, minor questions, such as “SOAS.” Which means? 🙂
SOAS = School of Oriental and African Studies, a college of the University of London. See http://www.soas.ac.uk
BismillahiRahmaniRaheem as-salamu’alaikum,Excellent, just excellent
Assalamu AlaikumI felt your words and descriptions of your reversion truly mirror my own experiences. SubhanAllah. May Allah reward you for your candidness.
Dear BrotherMashaAllah, may Allah reward you for your struggles, for the tears that you have shed and for the endurance and patience you have exhibited. My prayers are not hollow because I am exactly in your shoes before marriage. On the one hand, is putting my family to shame, dishonour and public embarassment if U marry a muslim. On the other hand, is my duty to God to get married. But I have with a lot of pain come to the difficult decision to simply remain unmarried till either (i) my parents take pity on my solitary existence and let me marry a muslim woman or (ii) my parents leave this world, which will allow me to marry when I’m probably 45+. Those are what lie ahead of me. There is nothing lacking in my life to prevent me from getting married except the resistance of my parents and they know they can resist now while I’m still 27. It’s a long wait for me. I do thank Allah that (as you said) He blessed me with the wisdom to distinguish and choose this option. At the same time, I also extend my heartfelt sympathies to you at the agony with your parents you must have gone through during your wedding. I know of a close friend of mine who went through a similar experience. I cannot imagine, at this stage of my life, enduring that for even one second of it. Truly, Allah has blessed you with great courage and character. Pls pray for this brother of yours. Was-salam
Assalamaleikum Wa RahmatulahInteresting post, always beneficial to see the difficulties and trials of others so we can understand their situation better and see how Allah has blessed us.Real point I want to make is that there is NO Shariah impediment with a Muslim male marrying without the permission of his parents – be they Muslim or Non-Muslim – if they are refusing for unislamic reasons such as ethnicity, etc.The situation for Muslim females is more complex, as they require the permission of their Mahram – but if her parents are non-muslim, the Mahram is the ‘Imam’ – what that means in the west is generalised, but in general seems to be the local qadi.This question discusses around the issue http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=82724&dgn=4Furthermore, depending on the individual (and needs) the obligation to get married varies from sunnah to obligatory – and there is no obedience to the creation in lieu of the creator.That all being said – speak to a scholar or qadi about your case – but please do NOT think that your parents can stop you from getting married per-se, they may have legitimate concerns and you should discuss with them and listen to them, but their grounds to prevent your marriage to a specific person have to be islamically permissible.Don’t take ANY actions in things like this based on a comment on a blog, but speak to someone of knowledge about your individual circumstance first. However do not feel that it is islamically binding on you not to get married so as to please your parents – as this is fallacious thinking.WSFulaan
Sorry, this question is probably more relevant to your situation – specifically point four.http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=69752&dgn=4
FulaanShariah offering no impediment to disobeying my parents and getting married does not mean that the Shariah suggests that as the only solution to my problem. It merely opens the door of options wider. My choice to wait and stay single, even if it means till the age of 45+, till Allah dissolves the resistance of my parents, is also a *shariah-compliant* solution but one that is more suited for my circumstances.
Like I said, everyone’s individual circumstances are different – and only you know your circumstances best.I was just pointing out that in (general terms) there is nothing wrong in this case of going against your parents – and as such can not as such be considered an act of piety by choosing to follow their prohibition – and in fact may be disobedience if your situation is one upong whom marriage is mandatory. In that case the circumstance can be likened to your parents ordering you not to pray or fast.That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it.You know your situation best, and what applies and what does not apply to your own circumstances.May Allah grant you ease in whichever way you choose to solve your predicament.Fulaan
FulaanThanks for your clarification. I’ll repeat what you said – “That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it”