Life without faith
Initially disbelief gave rise to questions about the meaning of life and the nature of the universe. Later on I experienced the serious implications of disbelief, with the passing of a family member dear to us all. While everyone was obviously upset at the death of my grandfather, there was also a sense of optimism at his funeral for, as a deeply kind, practising Christian, he was taking his place in paradise. Disbelieving in God, and therefore in the Day of Judgement and the Hereafter, I couldn’t come to terms with that at all. I was overwhelmed with grief and could find no solace in the words of all those compassionate souls.
Fortunately, pure disbelief did not last. A general belief in God returned to me at some point, although even then I still wavered between belief and disbelief. Established belief in Christianity, however, never returned.
My mother noted in her essay that while studying for my A-levels I got to know a number of Pakistani students. In fact I actually got to know just one Pakistani student and one Bengali student, along with quite a number of English students, but there had been no religious dimension to this relationship. At that time, ethnicity seemed to be much more of a defining feature in the relationship between different groups of students than religion ever was. The sum total of my knowledge about their religion from that friendship was that Muslims shouldn’t drink alcohol and don’t eat pork.
My mother also mentioned that I later wrote a novel about the relationship between an English boy and a Pakistani Muslim girl. In fact, the latter character was actually an Indian Sikh, and the book, again, was more concerned with racial issues than anything to do with religion. When I rewrote the book in 1997, religion was much more an apparent feature, reflecting the thought processes I was going through at the time. Again, my mother mentioned my visit to Tanzania before going to university. At that time there were indeed many issues I struggled with and perhaps I felt some things which I would no longer accept, and a few things which I might still hold to.
Personally, I do not believe that either my friendship with two nominally Muslim students at college, my initial writing of that novel or my stay in Tanzania had any bearing on my eventual path towards Islam. For that period of time I had little interest in religion and the only continuing occurrence was my discomfort at attending church; some of my English friends at college invited me to attend a youth group at their Methodist church on several occasions, but I declined.
When I started university, I was not so much appalled by the lifestyle of those I found myself amongst as uncomfortable with it. To be frank, the main issue was sexual morality and their approach to it seemed inimical to the Christian morals with which I had been brought up and to which I continued to adhere, even if I didn’t hold the faith myself. It would be wrong, however, for me to suggest that I moved away from this group out of some high conviction. The driving factor as I recall was finding myself on the periphery of a group, uninvolved in the conversations, flattery and, quite often, ridiculous self-promotion (the tales of the coffee expert spring to mind). Out of boredom I migrated from a table of my peers in the pub to that of someone I had met at the time of my interview for SOAS, where I was greeted and made to feel part of something.
It was this friend who later introduced me to a Scottish-Iraqi student with the intention that we should go to a comedy show together at the Student Union. Apparently we had been playing pool together prior to this, but I don’t remember this personally. At the time we were both pretty miserable characters, but were both entertained by the bizarre record-smashing DJ comedy act and soon became good friends. I don’t recall that we ever discussed religion during that period, although that would change in the following academic year (he did have a tendency to quote obscure words which he attributed to the Book of Proverbs, but I don’t think that counts).
Last modified: 22 September 2024
that was excellent; jazakAllah khayr.I’d be interested to know what the ‘small things’ were which attracted you to Islam. The writer here mentions the same thing: http://www.masud.co.uk/ISLAM/nuh/bmuslim.htm
You mentioned that by reading the Quran you were convinced of the existence of God, and that revelation from God is indeed a possibility.My question is: What did you read in the Quran which convinced you of the above? How is it different from other religious scriptures? Was it a spiritual/warm/fuzzy experience reading it, or is there something tangible in the episode?Jazak Allah Khair.
Assalamu Alaikum,I came by way of your comment on UmmZaid’s page at Sunnisisters. Thanks so much for this essay. It makes me think of what I went/am going through with my own mother, and just reviewing the whole situation. Thank you.peaceTwennyTwo
wow.Jazak’Allah Khayre.
Salam alaikum,Anonymous 1: the little things would be gentle words, modesty, humility and kindness. Muslims can often be brash, harsh, arrogant, but the best Muslims really are the best of humanity.if0rg0t: The Qur’an convinced me of the existence of God and that revelation is indeed a possibility through passages such as those in which Allah says He turned to the heavens and the earth when it was smoke and commanded them to come willingly or unwilling. As a fan of programmes such as Horizon and the amazing Hubble space telescope images, those verses and others were poignant. twennytwo: I am glad it was useful.Wasalam
Salaam BrotherI found your link on Abu Eesa’s website and all I want to say is that this is a beautiful and touching piece of literature.May God increase you in perseverance.
Salaam ‘alaikum.Tim, greatly enjoyed your essay; thanks for sharing this. I thought the second half in particular was quite good, knowledgeable. I did want to ask, though, if it’s not too personal a question, regarding your family’s reaction to your getting married. Based on what you wrote, I couldn’t really understand why they might have gotten upset. There were a couple of other, minor questions, such as “SOAS.” Which means? 🙂
SOAS = School of Oriental and African Studies, a college of the University of London. See http://www.soas.ac.uk
BismillahiRahmaniRaheem as-salamu’alaikum,Excellent, just excellent
Assalamu AlaikumI felt your words and descriptions of your reversion truly mirror my own experiences. SubhanAllah. May Allah reward you for your candidness.
Dear BrotherMashaAllah, may Allah reward you for your struggles, for the tears that you have shed and for the endurance and patience you have exhibited. My prayers are not hollow because I am exactly in your shoes before marriage. On the one hand, is putting my family to shame, dishonour and public embarassment if U marry a muslim. On the other hand, is my duty to God to get married. But I have with a lot of pain come to the difficult decision to simply remain unmarried till either (i) my parents take pity on my solitary existence and let me marry a muslim woman or (ii) my parents leave this world, which will allow me to marry when I’m probably 45+. Those are what lie ahead of me. There is nothing lacking in my life to prevent me from getting married except the resistance of my parents and they know they can resist now while I’m still 27. It’s a long wait for me. I do thank Allah that (as you said) He blessed me with the wisdom to distinguish and choose this option. At the same time, I also extend my heartfelt sympathies to you at the agony with your parents you must have gone through during your wedding. I know of a close friend of mine who went through a similar experience. I cannot imagine, at this stage of my life, enduring that for even one second of it. Truly, Allah has blessed you with great courage and character. Pls pray for this brother of yours. Was-salam
Assalamaleikum Wa RahmatulahInteresting post, always beneficial to see the difficulties and trials of others so we can understand their situation better and see how Allah has blessed us.Real point I want to make is that there is NO Shariah impediment with a Muslim male marrying without the permission of his parents – be they Muslim or Non-Muslim – if they are refusing for unislamic reasons such as ethnicity, etc.The situation for Muslim females is more complex, as they require the permission of their Mahram – but if her parents are non-muslim, the Mahram is the ‘Imam’ – what that means in the west is generalised, but in general seems to be the local qadi.This question discusses around the issue http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=82724&dgn=4Furthermore, depending on the individual (and needs) the obligation to get married varies from sunnah to obligatory – and there is no obedience to the creation in lieu of the creator.That all being said – speak to a scholar or qadi about your case – but please do NOT think that your parents can stop you from getting married per-se, they may have legitimate concerns and you should discuss with them and listen to them, but their grounds to prevent your marriage to a specific person have to be islamically permissible.Don’t take ANY actions in things like this based on a comment on a blog, but speak to someone of knowledge about your individual circumstance first. However do not feel that it is islamically binding on you not to get married so as to please your parents – as this is fallacious thinking.WSFulaan
Sorry, this question is probably more relevant to your situation – specifically point four.http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=69752&dgn=4
FulaanShariah offering no impediment to disobeying my parents and getting married does not mean that the Shariah suggests that as the only solution to my problem. It merely opens the door of options wider. My choice to wait and stay single, even if it means till the age of 45+, till Allah dissolves the resistance of my parents, is also a *shariah-compliant* solution but one that is more suited for my circumstances.
Like I said, everyone’s individual circumstances are different – and only you know your circumstances best.I was just pointing out that in (general terms) there is nothing wrong in this case of going against your parents – and as such can not as such be considered an act of piety by choosing to follow their prohibition – and in fact may be disobedience if your situation is one upong whom marriage is mandatory. In that case the circumstance can be likened to your parents ordering you not to pray or fast.That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it.You know your situation best, and what applies and what does not apply to your own circumstances.May Allah grant you ease in whichever way you choose to solve your predicament.Fulaan
FulaanThanks for your clarification. I’ll repeat what you said – “That being said – as you probably know there is a massive difference between the simplicity of a ruling in its isolation and the emotional impacts of actually following through with it”