Wingnuts

Clearly it is a Muslamic conspiracy. It started with forcing the whole nation to make wudu every time they sneezed. Then we saw clinicians donning turquoise jilbab — well those who could get it, anyway. Now they want to force the whole nation into niqab. And all you sheeple are sleepwalking straight into it. Wake up sheeple, wake up!

A truly dreadful organisation

Dear members,

We don’t often call other organisations out by name, but frankly the state of membership of the Biscuit Dunking Society is so perilous, so flaccid, so lax, that it merits us causing a humongous controversy for all to see, in order to increase the standing of our society in the eyes of the general public. Continue reading “A truly dreadful organisation”

Rebuke

It is a shame that militant secularists cannot appreciate their own extremism, with all their sacred symbols that they will defend against the blasphemies of their enemies. It is a shame that they cannot see that the excesses they condemn amongst religious communities are right there in their own. It is a shame that they are as fanatical as the fanatics they claim to oppose. It is a shame that they are as blind to their own reality as they are to the realities of their assailants. Their emotions, their passion, their prejudices: they are no different to the people of religion they rebuke.

Haram

Hey! Read my longwinded message which proves that such and such is HARAM!!

Here is a verse from the Qur’an to prove it!

Now you may say that this verse has absolutely nothing to do with such and such. However, the SCHOLARS say that the meaning of XYZ is such and such, and since you’re an ignoramus, you have no right to read the verse in context. Continue reading “Haram”

Pyramids

Assalamunalaukizum! Are you a gullible beardo looking to replayz your Toyota Corolla wid a Bentley? You are? Then sign up for our Islamic Pyramid Scheme today. Worried Multi-Layered Network Marketting is a scam and haram? Get wid the game boy, LOL! Who seds it was haram man? You aints nothing but a howndog. This is legit man, I gots a Bentley on my drive AND a Mercedes Benz! And whats you gots man? My points exackly. So get with the kool kids man, and signs up for our 100% guaranteed halalalicious Islamidocious get-someone-rich scheme today. You wonts regret it, no diddly way. I is promising you.