Emotions

I find myself getting very emotional these days. I don’t think it’s just because I’m listening to songs which stir memories of the past. But it could be related to the past in some sense; in me reflecting on moments long gone. Pondering on those days, I suppose it’s only natural that I return humbled, in awe of such blessings, of which I am so undeserving.

When I consider all of the rejection I encountered for years, of course I get emotional thinking of the one who embraced me. Likewise, for sticking with me through thick and thin. Learning of that condition — I consider it a humiliating diagnosis — many a woman would have turned their back on me. We had only been married a couple of years then; she could have considered it the final straw, but no: she just held onto me even more tightly.

We’ve been through real tests in our life together. Often tests after tests. We’re going through trials even now, as our children turn into teenagers and openly rebel; as open warfare continues to drone on in extended family; as my health deteriorates. This is life: a testing realm — a great examination — before an almighty day. Of course I get emotional, thinking of this companion who understands tests better than anyone.

But more than that, emotional reflecting on the mercy of the One, who threw me a rope at my lowest, and pulled me from those choppy seas. I was drowning when the One rescued me. There the best of interventions for my broken heart.

Did We not relieve your heart for you and remove the burden that weighed so heavily on your back, and raise your reputation high? Truly where there is hardship there is also ease; truly where there is hardship there is also ease. So when you have finished your duties, stand up and turn to your Lord for everything.

Quran 94

I get emotional thinking where life could otherwise have carried me. Emotional thinking of all the years that have passed, and the moments we experienced therein. It has been a strange lifetime. Very strange indeed.

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