Grateful wanderer

I concede that even the worst experiences — which at the time seemed utterly horrendous — turned out to be blessings in disguise. If I had not felt so completely broken then, I would never have sought to be fixed. If I had not been lost, I would never have tried to find my way.

I’m grateful for a recent unveiling. I learnt that we swapped places. They set me on an honourable path. I learnt from them the value of lowering my gaze, respecting boundaries and patiently waiting my turn. Those were great lessons to be taught.

I know that to others it looks like this adventure has diminished my potential. To others, I am still the boring nerd I always was. Perhaps so. But I would not exchange what I have for all the wealth in the world. The One threw a rope to me at my most desperate. Only a fool would let go of such a lifeline.

I return to my world, forgotten, ignored, but quite content. Had I wanted that other world, I could have had it. Had it been good for me, it would have been made pleasing to me; I would have found in it great ease. But it was not to be.

I am grateful to all who helped lead me here, unbeknownst even to themselves. I remember them in my prayers. May they be similarly guided, whether through ease or hardship. May they arrive at a juncture in which they finally conclude that there is no way ahead except with the One.

I have put my bitter rancour to one side. I owe a debt to those I once thought wronged me. Some of what they said about me was true. They spoke the truth and I sought to reform my soul. Some of what they said about me were lies. They broke my heart and I sought the One alone capable of mending it. In either case, I am grateful.

Now I close this chapter. In a train carriage exactly a month ago, watching the multitudes in a city of nine million whizz past unknown, I thought to myself: “How preposterous to think you will ever reacquaint yourself with those you once knew!” Of course, I was wrong, for the very next day I reacquainted myself with one I once knew, whose actions had had a profound affect on me years ago.

What a strange unveiling. It taught me much. To be grateful for what I have. To be mindful of signs on the horizons and within ourselves. To recall those days when I was completely lost. To find good even in adversity. To take nothing for granted. To be humble.

Now it’s time to move on, grateful to all who have accompanied me on this journey, whether friend or foe. We are all on a journey home.

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