There is a line in one of my favourite songs, Sol, by Blanco White:
If I need no forgiveness
I’m all but forgotten
Lost in the changing of the tides
How very true this is.
I’ve come to realise that there is no way to make amends with the many people I have wronged over the years.
Most of them have forgotten I ever existed. Some of them never knew I existed in the first place.
I reached out to somebody today. They had no recollection of what I was talking about. But I remember it, as do the angels that wrote it down.
I sent a letter to another, but now I think of it: I’m not even sure that I sent it to the right person. I think a complete stranger may have received a heartfelt apology from me instead.
I was kept awake last night remembering the faces of everyone I have wronged… but the reality is I have no way of ever reaching them.
Most of them… their names long forgotten. And those that remain… I will never be able to retrace them.
All that is left… heartfelt apologies ringing out into the ether, perhaps to be absorbed by a passing wanderer.
For years I let my ego and the worst parts of me carry me away. Now all I can do is whisper sorry into the wind.