Everything seemed to be going swimmingly. We thought we were a rich nation on top of the world, so unlike all those dreadful nations over there.

But all of a sudden, we discovered 25 local authorities on the brink of bankruptcy, the national health service on the verge of collapse and a mental health crisis of mammoth proportions.

Still, at least we have football, the opium of the masses. If we’re lucky, nobody will notice rising food prices, empty shelves, unpicked fruit and veg, and the state of roads.

Long live our buffoon overlords. Rule Britannia.

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