Don’t look back in anger

My generation enjoyed an adolescence with the sage advice of Noel Gallagher ringing in their ears:

But please don’t put your life in the hands
Of a Rock n Roll band
Who’ll throw it all away

The social media generation needs someone to set to music a ditty about not investing everything in a YouTube star.

It was only a matter of time before the cute Salafi couple — the comedy duo of prankster niqabi and bearded buffoon — turned out to be actors, monetising religion for personal gain. Ah, but they are hardly aberrations, for social media is swarming with apparently pious souls, preaching religion and good living, whilst they harvest girls and ill-gotten gains.

Said leaders of the masses sell conspiracies to their followers. A prime investment, for when the proverbial horse poo hits the fan, their disciples will cite the exact same conspiracies, speaking of a despicable witch-hunt against their beloveds. You guessed it: the accusations of sexual abuse and financial misconduct will be nothing but the plotting of an alliance of Zionists and Feminists, intent on undermining faith itself.

My advice: ignore the rising star of Facebook, who accumulates five thousand followers a month, leaning on one controversial post a week, penned to stir emotions and stoke debate. My advice: be wary of the much-loved public intellectual who publishes a populist diatribe that will elevate them to brand-new starry heights. My advice: pay no heed to the celebrity convert who pleads, in double-glazing salesmen style adverts on Facebook, for money to support a cause dear to their heart. My advice: yes, a healthy dose of cynicism is a worthwhile investment in these peculiar times, when piety is used as cover for crime.

Please don’t put your life in the hands of a social media brand who’ll throw it all away.

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