When I look back on my life, I see that I have spent most of it in sin. But for the mercy of my Lord, my balance stands against me. However will I turn things around, I often ask myself, so late in the day with so many evil deeds weighing down so heavily on one side of my scales? Yes, it is a frequent cause of despair. True, Ibrahim said: “And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except for those astray?” (Qur’an 15:56) — but for one oft-repeating in the same sins, over and over as the years pass by, it is difficult not to lose hope, seeing the ruin I have built for myself. So many times have I stood at these crossroads, resolving to turn my life around and reform, but alas, alas, here I am once more, with all the same regrets and remorse, as if nothing ever changed. What I would give to be faithful and pure.