Look, if I had as much money as you two Irish rockers, I probably wouldn’t release a Christmas single to raise some cash for charity right now.
How much money do you two actually need to live on? Most of us families of four get by on about £1500 a month.
Oh insanely rich superstar, I’m absolutely positive the Disasters Emergency Committee would gladly accept a nice discrete £500m donation (still leaves you £400m to tide you over for your retirement).
Oh poor hater of Mondays, surely you can spare a paltry £50m to build a few well equipped hospitals (you’ll still have £100m left over).
And maybe save the rest of us from your sneering appeals. We’re already doing what we can.