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I have been reluctant over the past two years to write anything of our application to adopt, for it has felt too private and too intense. It has felt like an age since the process began: the initial disappointments when our own local authority decided not to even consider us because we had a weird combination of white skin and Islamic faith; our pursuit of council authorities in more cosmopolitan settings; the long and intrusive assessment; the interviews of friends, family and neighbours; the Criminal Record Bureau checks; the medical check-ups; the enquiries into our finances; our appearance before the Adoption Panel; and the start of the matching process. Do we now hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet? Are our nights now disturbed by the cries and tears of the little-ones? No, not yet: but Allah is with the patient, we tell ourselves, reminding one another to remain steadfast.

Childlessness used to bother me immensely. The company of my niece would draw tears from my eyes, while every enquiry after my children from well-meant friends would churn my stomach over. But everyone has their trials and in time our faith heals us. Today I can play Lego with all our friends’ children and while away the hours without a tinge of envy or loss breaking across my brow. I can push a tiny foot into a miniature shoe or skip around the garden in an ache-inducing chase. Children are a great blessing from Allah, whether they are from near or far.

I guess we have come a long way, together. But now and then we are suddenly thrust out of this dreamlike state and painfully reminded of the world beyond us. A casual dismissal of all of our emotional investment as some sort of academic exercise strikes like a boxer’s blow. We have spent months preparing to care for terribly vulnerable children—victims of abuse, neglect or parental substance addiction—undertaking to understand their needs, and suddenly it is all dismissed as insignificant, our engagement waved away as unnecessary fuss.

I have just had one of those encounters. It feels like someone has punched me.