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This is the view from my front door. I took it this evening with my wife’s camera when I came home from work. I took it because it means something to me; something that I’ve been thinking a great deal about for the past few days.

It represents how much God has given me, how generous He has been to me. When I was younger I used to dream that one day I’d live in a house looking out on a cottage garden. Well, that’s pretty much what I got. This photo doesn’t really do our garden any justice. When you wander up and down those steps each day you’re just taken by the beautiful flowers coming into bloom and the delicious scent of the Daphne. The other day I was standing at my front door, looking out onto the garden and I couldn’t help but say Alhamdulilah over and over. Why? Because there are different coloured primroses, cowslips, tulips and daffodils flowering all over the place, and we didn’t do a thing. I stood there saying Alhamdulilah and then another thought came to my mind: what a disgrace I am.

God has showered the pair of us in great bounties, and yet look how I have behaved over the last few weeks, months and years. When I reflected on this, I felt ashamed.

There are funny things that happen to us in our home which repeatedly remind us of God’s great generosity. Just after we got married, my wife suggested buying something for the kitchen which I refused, saying that it would be extravagant, only for us to receive it as a gift a few weeks later from my grandmother. Indeed, in her boxes of cast-offs that she insisted on sending us away with were half a dozen items that we had thought of over the preceding months. After we moved into our home my wife discovered a Black Sea fruit tree in our back garden which supplies her with an unending stream of berries much loved in her village back home each autumn. Just a few weeks ago, my wife saw something in my mother’s home that she thought would be useful in ours, only for our first set of guests on our return back home to give it to us as a gift – somewhat surprising given that it was somewhat unusual. These things happen to us a lot and each time it is a reminder of God’s generosity.

Lately I’ve been thinking about this a great deal. Over the past two and a half years I had a job which made me extremely depressed. Now I’ve dwelled on the fact before that I should really have been grateful to have had an income and that’s all true and accepted, but if I am honest, I really hated it. On my first day there after resigning from my previous workplace I sat with my manager and listened as he went through my job description, crossing out all of the elements that were no longer required of me. It was pretty much everything that had led me to apply for the post. Over the months that followed I sunk into quite a heavy bout of melancholy. It was only natural then that I should mention my employment when I stood on the Plain of Arafat during my Hajj a year ago. My prayer went something like this, “Oh Allah, You know my heart better than I do. I have no idea what I want to do to earn my living, so grant me a job that will make me happy, in which I will work hard and that will be good for me here and hereafter.”

Well God is most generous. On the day of Arafat a year later I started a new job – I only realised the significance when I put the radio on in my car and there was a report on Britain’s Hajj delegation gathering on the Plain that morning. I didn’t do anything to get this job. The department in which I originally worked was merged into another and my role disappeared as a result. They had to find me something to do, but Alhamdulilah, Alhamdulilah. Each day now I find myself reflecting on this new role of mine, because I really love it. It’s a great job and I’m doing something I really enjoy. I work hard now and I’m happy. That is God’s generosity completely. I did nothing to deserve this. It is His generosity completely. His generosity and His mercy.

And there is something else. Over the last few months I have been really stupid. My stupidity ultimately drove me to heavy tears under the strain of a heavy heart. Maybe it was looking out onto my front garden which brought me to a halt: those Alhamdulilahs followed by that feeling of shame and regret. Those thoughts of God’s incredible generosity followed by the reflection on my ingratitude. I prayed for God’s help, for His forgiveness, for His Guidance, for His aid. I think, just maybe, we have just witnessed His generosity once more. A wise friend has come to visit us and it seems he is setting us straight, helping us start each day in a good way and end each day in a good way too. I consider it God’s immense generosity.

When I think of what He has given me, showered on me, I can only feel ashamed. Has my conduct been any way to say Thank You? No, but perhaps recognising His generosity is the first step towards rectifying our affairs.